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I had such a great experience today id really like to share with all of you.
I met with my sponsor today, a sponsor is someone who guides you through sobriety and the 12 steps of AA.
We were talking about my recovery and this and that, and sometimes i cant help but bring up Kabbalah just because i can relate things and im interested to see what kind of response i would get.
So i told him about what we were learning recently, that the only area of life in which free will exists is in our ability to choose our environment, and then our environment exerts pressure on us until we come into a balance or equilibrium with it.
And he told me an analogy that someone told him once that really made sense to me.
He said “If you were an orange, and someone squeezed you, what would come out?”
Orange juice i said,
“Yes, not apple juice, not grape juice, the only thing that would come out of you is orange juice.”
“Just like if you were a pineapple and someone squeezed you, the only thing that could come out is pineapple juice.”
Yes that makes sense i said
Then he said “what if you were really resentful and someone squeezed you, what would come out then?”
And that made so much sense to me because i have always been a very angry person, and i was always scared of people and being around them because my anger would always come out at work in particular, where there is an enormous amount of pressure put on me all the time.
And it made sense because ive been so happy lately, more happy than ive been in my entire life, and i really want to work hard to cultivate true joy and love within me, because i want that to be the product when my environment exerts its pressures on me.
Because my environments really nurture me, they sustain me, they are what care for me and help me to grow.
My environment is really my garden, and i feel like i am both the gardener and i am the product, so i really want to work hard and facilitate the well being of the garden because i will benefit from that as well, just as a natural byproduct of being in a healthy environment, i dont have to worry about getting this or that because i know i will be taken care of.
Im so happy i can apply this knowledge in my day to day life and this is what i love so much about Kabbalah is when i can make connections to my interactions everywhere i go.
So i am very grateful that this wisdom has opened up and has given me an opportunity to start engaging in it, thankyou so much!
Hi Albert,
I wanted to know what exactly an “intention” is. Is it a desire? It would have to be wouldnt it? Or is it the desire behind the desire? the end goal of the desire? I know that all of my desires are selfish in nature, even if I’m not cognizant of them, because I can see that I’m bound by the chains of pain and pleasure, and the best I’ve been able to do is try to ignore this selfish aspect, but I always know its there, weather I ignore it or not, because I can see it if I start to think about it.
Alan watts had this saying that: “Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes.”
I was cleaning coffee cups today…
And so at times I just try to ignore my thoughts and try lose myself in whatever I’m doing, not focusing on anything but the task at hand, and there is a certain peace of mind behind that because I’m so focused on my task that everything else melts away. For a moment; but I always worry that underneath it all there is always a selfish intention, weather I can see it or not, and sure enough every time I look, there it is, and so always I’m always a prisoner to myself in this way.
If the goal would be to enter a state of complete bestowal, where I’m not concerned anymore with what I get but only on how I can be useful to the world around me (I think, I only assume this because I want to achieve equivalence of form), but I wouldn’t be able to move towards that state unless I perceived some sense of pleasure out of it, even in a future sense or a sense of personal satisfaction, in being morally right, or more knowledgeable, or more spiritual, or even the pleasure in being able to clearly perceive the mind of the creator, which I would consider the pleasure above all others, because I know God only gives and I want to receive exactly what he wants to give me in trusting that he knows what I want better than I ever could. I’ve thought about this very much and have determined for my self (through guidance from what I’ve learned through Kabbalah and a certain amount of self analysis) that its actually not possible.
The problem I have basically, is that I feel like even if I ignore something doesn’t change the fact of the why behind what I’m doing something for, and that god is putting questions in my mind and feelings in my heart for a reason, and that I was meant to understand or else why would I have such a strong desire to?
and the frustration arises through that I feel like the sole means I have (my desire) of moving towards the goal (to do something without personal gain) is simultaneously pushing me away from it, since its impossible for me to be anything else.
I suppose I only have the hope that something good will come out of my selfish aspirations, since that’s the only thing I have to work with, like I’m a selfish little seedling, consuming the soil and water and sunlight, but that one day I will produce a type of fruit that will nurture the world around me.
Freedom is accepting that i am powerless to change anything about myself, and asking the upper light to work on me as it wishes. Freedom is being whatever i was made to be, and discovering what that really means, understanding what that really is, and finding enjoyment in that.
Hey Albert! Thankyou so much for your response. I kind of wrote about this because my mind and feelings have been all over the place this last month but i really appreciate you getting back to me and sharing these articles with me. Ill keep these on my tabs to return to sometimes, but i really like the building blocks article.
Ive been ridiculed in the past for not being “genuine” or whatever and i always strive to reach deeper levels of honesty in myself. I like the concept of “fake it till you make it” but also i like being happy and sometimes i think its good to be happy too if it lifts up others instead of pulling them into my own misery if im having a bad day or whatnot.
I know were ahead on the next lesson now so i dont know if youll see this but i wanted to come back because i thought about this and didnt know if anyone responded to me so i wanted you to know that i do appreciate it very much.
Thankyou for your response Seth. I apologize for my frantic behavior, Ive been going through alot of very extreme changes in my personal life over the last month and my mind and emotions get away from me sometimes, its happening less and less.
The Kabbalah revealed series showed me the importance of connecting to the world, it helped me realize where i needed to be and helped bring me back to AA, and through AA ive also been willing to seek out mental health. I just want to do everything i can to better myself because ive wasted so much time, i have alot to make up for.
I want to do the best i can because the changes in my life over this past month and a bit have been nothing short of amazing, i know i must better myself if i am to be of any use to anyone at all, and that by living a better life i can help and enrich the lives of people around me as well.
Its difficult for me to be patient because i have been givin a bright vision for my future, where i can be just that, a good man, but i know it takes time and i want to give myself more to the process.
Also i really enjoyed your enter the zohar series, i first saw it maybe 6 years ago now and rewatched it a few weeks ago or so and ive always wanted to be in a live lecture setting like that.
Thankyou again for your response.
