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Esther,
You are twisting around concepts and not really understanding what the texts are referring to.
You are currently in an endless field of light and fulfillment.
You don’t feel it at all. So you will not change that the you are in an endless field of light and fulfillment. That is what the Creator created. All of our work, and first of all we need to stabilize ourselves in reality and understand where we actually are, what senses we currently have, how they operate, what our goal is, what is the delta between where we are today and where we want to be and by what natural laws, etc can this giant sea be crossed.
That is our study. The friends that I know on the path for years and decades are anything but apathetic.
Maybe you can reword your question so I can understand what you are asking.
Seth@KabUMalka,
We cannot feel glad to suffer. There is no commandment to suffer. The Creator wants us to receive His love and fulfillment.
Seth@KabULana,
Of course we want to think about things that are beneficial.
The main question is how to do that. Trying to wrestle with our thoughts is pointless.
However the mind serves the desire. And so if you desire something very much your mind will think all of the time of how to reach that.
So the most important is to plant yourself in a good, healthy spiritual environment and be influenced by it and then you will see how your thoughts change too.
Seth@KabUTracy,
Here is a blog post by our teacher, Rav Laitman that explains that.
https://laitman.com/2017/06/the-only-principle-of-creation/#gsc.tab=0
Enjoy.
Seth@KabUEsther,
This is a great question and is the gate to beginning to understand this very high matter.
One specifically must be engaged in all of the laws of nature of this world, as this is where the Creator put us with family, work, health, etc. and at the same time, go  above reason, from a place where reason cannot reach, attain, or understand, this place is called ‘faith’, it is actually an attainment that is made specifically above reason. If there is no reason then one cannot go above reason… one could have blind faith, called below reason, or one could remain within reason, but the kabbalist engages in this world and it becomes the foundation to rise above reason.
Seth@KabU
