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The most important thing I learned here is that I already knew what I thought I already knew. The ancient feelings inside me had no names, no direction to progress. There was no way to give credence to what I already knew deep inside of me.
Especially the obstacles of life, the things I may have said or done that hurt others in the past, childhood and teen years and older too. Why was I like that, who was I? What was the purpose of all of that rebellion and pain?
Now I can see, as my ‘cup runneth over’ with the Light that Reforms starting to fill the large vessel I was blessed with by the Creator. Because of my time here I can truly feel the joy in the Point in my Heart, as it expands with the love of the Creator as He explains to me Why and shows me just how much I was given with opportunity for correction. Sometimes I can truly feel the Joy.
I had a dream and my mother, long gone now, was sitting in a queen’s chair, with people fussing all around her. As I walked past she said to me, “You are a redeemer.” I’m a what? I asked, unsure I heard her correctly. “A redeemer” she said again, and I woke with a start. And now I understand, accept with joy, the new obstacles I am being given as this path opens for me.
What impressed me most was the connection I felt to the instructors, a connection of the Point in the Heart. I am not one to share much with other people, a loner as they say. Different from other people. Here I have found others that are like me, and I wish that we all can continue together on this Path of Wisdom together.
Rav Laitman has said that it is good to be with others who recognize the Point in the Heart and are also started on the Path of Wisdom. But as we look to change the Will to Receive to the Will to Bestow, slowly climb the Ladder, what of the people in your close circle who are in Disparity of Form with you? Does the goal of Altruism mean giving to the Creator and we share that with others who are more Equivalent of Form, other students for instance? Or is this challenge of being with those of Egoistic Desire, refusing to leave the Path of Suffering, part of the lesson? What are the goals where these people are concerned?
For Kelly. Yours is the answer I resonate with the most. The other answers seem to come from an intellectualizing, trying to find the right words that will be marked Correct by the teacher. I have written my answer today and I’m hoping that I can share it with you. Perhaps you will find something I said that also resonates with you.
For me, the most profound answer to this question lies in the brief Introduction to “Attaining the Worlds Beyond” by Rav Laitman. In How to Read the Text he emphasizes to read slowly, to not try to intellectualize what you are reading. It doesn’t matter what you remember afterwards. The only thing that matters is how you Feel while you are reading the text. The words are written by a true Kabbalist, coming from the worlds beyond, touching the upper force. When you read to feel, rather than to retain, as we do in our lessons here online, the Point in your Heart will open, and that’s where you will Feel the upper force, from the Kabbalist who has written in the book.
For me, I have found this to be true. There is good reason our instructors keep saying to get the books. The words are from beyond, and when you read to Feel there is a connection between you and the teacher. This comes from the upper force.
As a beginner I know there is much more to learn. Many words and terms need to be remembered and used. But at this point in my studies there is a difference between the learning and the Feeling that is measurable, scientifically, in my corporeal world. When I sit with the actual books and read with Intention to Feel rather than to retain intellectually, I find that I retain the Feeling. This I remember through the day.
As an older person with a little high blood pressure I have discovered that when I read this way, from the books, not online, even briefly, one paragraph read over a couple of times, the Point in my Heart feels like it has expanded. And on the scientific level I find that my blood pressure has gone way down to a number that shows complete relaxation and the opening of the arteries in my heart. I am acting with it mutually, in both worlds at the same time.
So my brief answer is to read the physical books, in a quiet space, with the intention to feel what is written.
Thank you Seth. I am still a real beginner, but I am an older lady in my late 70’s, with a bit of a touch/connection above. I recognize the signs, have felt/seen them before, without the knowledge/language of kabbalah. Now is my time for tikkun and being here is helping me find my way. For KabU I am also very grateful.
Not finished with Week 4 yet, but tonight I wondered about this:
I am sitting outside in the backyard. The air is cold, crisp, calm. I watch the flock of sparrows fly in and jump around in the old willow tree, the resident scrub jay doing his dance. Watching my dogs play I am feeling such gratitude for the gifts of Nature, the gifts that the Creator has bestowed upon me. Quietly I speak to Him and thank Him and I want Him to know how much I have learned, and how grateful I am for his gifts. My intention is to thank Him, to let Him know that I am feeling the gift of His joy, especially in my studies, but also in my world. I am feeling such a special feeling, a connection it seems, and I am wondering, is this what Behina Dalet feels like or am I just grateful to receive?
Thank you.
