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First, suffering in this corporeal world leads us to recognize that no attainment in it will bring lasting relief. Second, we become aware that only our Creator can help. Somehow, we come to a realization that we have to seek the Creator. Also, we intend to become like him, even though we find out later that this is impossible by our own effort alone. However, in making the effort (having the intention), we find ourselves sensing the Creator, and it feels satisfying and fulfilling. Even if this sensation lasts for a brief time and goes away, the lack we feel motivates us all the more to continue our effort. This is how I believe I got in touch with the upper force.
Let’s say I feel anxious about something specific like the net profit of my business keeping up with the increasing costs of business and living. I might summarize this as a feeling financial anxiety. Would this anxiety be the same as saying I am experiencing a lack?
If I am experiencing a lack, then might that mean my Kli is prepared to feel the sensation of the light that satisfies this lack?
Further, if I generalize the financial anxiety to a feeling of “not being OK”, would it be correct to say that I feel a “lack of being OK” for which my Kli is now ready to receive the sensation of “being OK”?
Also, might it be that the reason I lack the feeling of “being OK”, is due to having refused the Creator’s bestowal of “being OK” due to my egoistic sense of shame for not having done anything of merit to receive it?
If this is a correct way of thinking, then would it mean that if I change my intention to receive for the sake of the Creator, I would affect two things? First, I would receive the pleasure of feeling “OK”, and second, I would give the Creator the pleasure of giving me pleasure.
That is, if I change my intention for why I receive pleasure, from “for myself” to “for the sake of the Creator”, then that brings me closer to the quality of the Creator. By doing this, both the Creator, my soul, and all of Creation benefit?
If that is the case, then I certainly want to pursue this. The issue that arises is that I still feel like I am motivated to do this for my sake. I wish that weren’t the case, but I’m still wanting to be altruistic for the sake of myself.
So, on the right hand I feel satisfied and fulfilled, and on the left hand I feel the distance between my quality of altruism and that of the Creator. The middle way is to experience both simultaneously and allow both to inform me as I go.
I am just wanting to know if this is what I am supposed to be understanding up to this point in our study?
I wish for you, my fellow students, to see the opportunities that exist to connect with others with the intention to perceive the will of the Creator and with an intention to connect altruistically. If we are able to live each moment with this thought running in the background, that may affect the rebuilding of the collective soul.
The challenge is that when I think about persistently asking for altruistic intentions, my stomach turns. It feels unnatural and wholly undesirable. However, I believe that altruistic intentions are the ultimate destiny of Creation – Creation will desire and develop altruistic intentions. At this point in the journey, to cooperate with this course, I can desire to desire altruistic intentions. So, that is where I am.
Hi Dustin. I am glad you are on this path. I am new to Kabbalah, but have found answers and hope thus far in my studies. I believe you will experience understanding and healing.
I am beginning to understand that I can accept my desire to receive. I don’t have to fight it or feel guilty for it. My work is to desire to receive without thought of myself. As I try to create that intention for the desire to receive, I evaluate it to learn how close or far I am from the Creator. Even though, up to this point, I have uncovered egoistic intentions in operation for every desire, the desire to have an altruistic intention, nevertheless is the work. I am learning how to incorporate this thinking in my daily life, and this gives me hope.
