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I had to leave the church I was going to…a Catholic Church which was my childhood religion. It was a new church and someone was consistently attacking me. I was very vulnerable because my daughter had just died. I tried to make peace with this person and I could no longer take it. I began to be afraid of going to church so my husband and I finally left. I feel much better. I. saw many things in myself but at the end I felt I was allowing myself to be abused for the sake of belonging. No one stepped up to try and stop it. No one wanted to be involved. It was painful for me to leave as we are living in a new town however I also feel better. I also am confused about my feelings. The whole ritual seemed childish unfulfilling to me with little glimpses of light. Perhaps I was hoping I could me someone there that I could discuss all these feelings I had but there wasn’t anyone. I don’t see how you can stay in a religion or church that seems immature and childish to you while at the same time you wish you had such simple faith but you are no longer there. How do handle this confusion? Is it egosm on my part? I just don’t fit in there, either does my husband? Are we being judgemental? Don’t our feelings of rejection count?
Madelainne,
My condolences to you and your husband on your loss, that is a very deep experience.
I understand that you are looking for answers to deeper questions than those in your church.
Everyone will eventually come to these deeper questions, but each one in their time according to their soul. You and your husband have awakened to it now.
My advise is to take it slowly and open your notebooks or a piece of paper and write out for yourselves what it is that you are looking for in life, what questions it is that your soul is searching for. Pour out your heart to the Creator on the page.
Read the materials in our courses from the kabbalists over and over and you will feel how they are working on you to clarify these things and how the Light operates on us and guides us.
Wishing you comfort and a speedy advancement.
Seth@KabU
Can you please talk about the actual intention to study Kabbalah. How do I make sure that I am not doing this for my ego? How do I make sure that the desire to gain spiritual light or being closer to the creator is not an egoistic desire?
Pradeep,
If we are searching honestly and deeply, we will discover that it is impossible to do something without seeking self benefit, that is because this is what we were created as, we were created as a will to receive delight and pleasure and all we do is for ourselves to receive and if we do for another, it is so that we will benefit.
If we reach this true recognition and realize that in order to exit this we need the help from above, this is called the Exodus from Egypt, it happens at night, meaning in a state of dark we are brought out of it and through several processes we are given a second nature from above, just as we were given our first nature, to recieve, from above, we are given our second nature.
So you are on the right track, first is the discovery of the will to receive.
There is no light without a vessel, so we must come to the need for this second nature, the kli for the second nature and then the light fills that empty place.
Seth@KabU
About a month before I enrolled with Kabu, I had been very concerned about the way Nature was being manipulated to change our environment. I found on the internet (youtube) Kabbalahinfo, and was able to gather information on this subject and was fascinated with the Tree of Life and the principals of Kabbalah.
I gather it might have been “the point of the Heart” that set me in the position of enrollment to Kabu.
Many thanks for this enlightment.
What reveals itself here, to me, is that there is one final destination, equivalence of,  or affinity with, or knowing the thought of, the Creator. I am understanding that the free will that is available is simply deciding to seek out and be drawn to the Creator, or to be nudged, or pushed – towards that which the seed, or soul, is pre-programmed to accomplish – final equivalence of form with the Creator. This new view of free will, affords faster, conscious affinity – or, alternately – slower, possibly more unconscious for a time, and painful attainment of affinity or oneness. Either path leading  the ultimate goal. I am feeling very drawn to proactively seek to know the thought of Creation, and move from reception to bestowal purposefully. I choose the fast track if these assumptions are even close to correct. That is why I am here.
What’s a goal without knowing where you come from and where you going?
what goal have to do with the creator?
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