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I’ve understood and accepted all the suffering I’ve been through since I was born because it made me who I am today and brought me to this point. And now I look back and realize, it wasn’t always all that bad. It’s as if I’m being led or pushed towards a specific purpose. If I get in it’s way, I “suffer”. If I change my perception of the past and the present and question the intention behind my desires, I experience more joy.
Wow…I enjoy reading everyone else’s wonderful responses. I have begun to understand that there reasons for the things that have caused my life to take the turnes that it has, however (don’t know if anyone else is experiencing this), I am having to think (through what feels like a brown paper bag over my brain) of years of religious dogma, preconcieved notions, and egoic motivations. Its like I need an earthquake to shake it all down to rubble so I can start building again. I am still dealing with lesson one and the concept of G-d and nature being one, so I am moving at a snails pace here but moving just the same.
Well…..I hope this doesn’t sound too odd. But when I was tiny, four or five years old, I believed then that I knew G-d, and I could feel him all around me and every step I took unfolded to understand his nearness better. And then I had to go back inside the house…..sigh. My parents were very young; I forgive them; they did the best they could with the information they had in their own lives. I feel like I was born with the proper knowledge, but then “life here on earth” removed it. I have had to travel a very long way to get back to the beginning, but I have enormous gratitude for all the “human” lessons on the struggles of being human because it has helped me in my life in my service of others. But now I feel ready to do something for myself! I have spent my life in the service of others, and now I will learn Kaballah so that I can be in the service of others, lol. It’s hard to explain, but my service of others on earth cost me something of myself, but I felt good inside when I was able to help someone. Often in the service of others, it is unfortunate and heartbreaking work.  So this was still a give and take type of relationship; things needed to happen to be balanced. What I understand about Kaballah is I will be “full of light” while in the service of others no matter the outcome. This fullness of understanding is an incredible blessing. Thank you, Hashem. BH
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