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I asked myself the question of why there is so much suffering in the world while all there is, is this Creator who wants to bestow us infinite pleasure.
When I look back on my illness, who I was before I got ill and where I am today, I certainly think more about others and am more humble. So in this sense it also prevented me from a lot of worse states of being.
I read the following passages from Michael Laitman:
“Even under unbearable pain you can feel perfection, if you only maintain spiritual contact with the Creator despite the pain.
It may appear to others that you are suffering unbearable pain, but you can feel instead completeness and delight if you create a spiritual contact with the Creator, despite the pain.
The body could burn and you would feel nothing. It all depends on the tightness of your connection with the Creator. The stronger it is, the greater the joy; the weaker it is, the lesser the joy.
Pain is given to us only to tighten the contact and attain the spiritual degree where all we feel is pleasure. We must think of it as the most important exercise.”
Despite seeing I transform through my chronic pain, I cannot help but feel angry with the Creator some days for bringing this kind of suffering into the world. In that sense, I sometimes feel a bit like Job in the Book of Job. These words of Michael Laitman, I hope I can attain such a state of adhesion to the Creator, because sometimes my pain is a lot to handle.
I have understood that my five senses are filters that distort my experiences of life, and I need to develop the sixth sense to be able to go beyond those limitations. I have a better understanding of the ego and its role (this course has provided me with the best and clearest explanation of ego that I’ve encountered), and I see the destructive nature of the ego that has been growing more and more self-serving. I know that I need to and want to learn more so that my tiny point in the heart will grow. I want to feel connected.
I have gained a deeper understanding because now I am aware of how my 5 senses work and how to develop that 6th sense where I can more deeply discern and see the real world that was hidden for me. It is this 6th sense that I am cultivating and with it comes new opportunities and experiences. As a result, I have developed an appreciation for the world around me which allows me to find insight in unexpected ways. This new found knowledge has encouraged me to pursue my interests and develop my potential further. By exploring my passions and curiosities, I have found more fulfillment in life and can now more accurately identify my purpose. With this new understanding, I will be able to make better decisions for myself and help others find their path as well. By connecting with the world around me, I understand how everything is interconnected and feel a strong sense of connection with the universe. This knowledge has given me an even greater appreciation for life and it’s beauty.
The one thing that I have begun to see is that I am among like-minded people. I see it when I read my fellow students’ questions and statements. It is something I will have to continue to work with for some time to come because we are, after all, creatures of habit, and I know my mind will attempt to revert me into thinking I am still in that lifelong position of being different and very alone.
I have also found that my ego is a lot bigger than I was aware of. I knew it was big, so I thought I was prepared in that respect, but I am continuously reminded of how much I have been underestimating the obstacles and frustrations my ego is capable of creating. I’ll admit that it has shocked me, and it also frightens me to some extent. I will do my utmost to learn how to best deal with it all.
Finally, I had forgotten why the Creator had us go through the shattering of our soul and materialization through the 125 steps back up to acquiring Equivalence of Form. I’m sure my understanding is now thorough enough to be permanent.
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