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The huge “aha” moment for me was to learn that God is the sole actor … and that He uses the doubts He places in me via thoughts and feelings of failure, hopelessness and despair at ever following His ways to actually strengthen my need to attain unity with Him. Beautiful! And the flip-side that when I do experience moments of connection with Him it is His doing, never mine. I found this wisdom both freeing and encouraging. And knowing that I can never attribute His reasons for pushing me away or drawing me near to Him to capriciousness … but only His unconditional love and desire to bestow me with the joy and peace and pleasure that far surpasses whatever we can experience in this world … really makes me glad that He is the Only One in control; certainly better than me, human authorities, religious leaders, or some rival force He battles or who I must battle!
400 and a bunch of zeros after it is what my brain is actually taking in, but I can only interpret about 2,000 pieces of that 400 something? That blew my mind. Like, where’s the door into that room with all that stuff, I want in…lol. No…maybe let me drink that in, a cup at a time. My primitive brain probably couldn’t take it all in at once.
I say that because I want to understand the source, where nothing else exists outside of that source. Believing that anything does is called ‘sin.’ Wow, big difference from all the indoctrination crammed down my throat during Catechism class, getting shamed because I didn’t have something memorized just right. It feels like a full paradigm shift. And the idea that pain and suffering are part of a correction to help steer us in the right direction. This helps me to understand and put into better perspectives those times I was ‘mad at God’ for letting so many horrible things happen.
I’d like to try to draw a parallel from my own experience that popped into my head while contemplating this question. I had and extraordinary bond with my grandmother when I was a very little girl. I loved her deeply and paid close attention to how she felt about me. When she gave me something, of course I was happy and thankful for it. But looking above the receiving pleasure, seeing the smile and love coming from my grandma meant more to me. I hope this is in line with what I’m learning here.
The one thing that made me change my perspective somewhat, and my approach, was learning about the true meaning of Sin, what Sin really is.
Of course I see that this is because of how unaware I have been about the completeness of the extend of There is None Else besides Him, but for some reason it was still more striking to learn about what Sin is. – I can see why the understanding of what true Sin is, ought to have been equally obvious and instant as the understand of There is None Else Besides Him, but for some reason it just wasn’t.
Another thing that strikes me is to Receive In Order to Give. I have for years been doing things a little differently: I’ve been giving, full well knowing that I was receiving when doing so. I did it anyway because I couldn’t see any way to give that doesn’t have an aspect of egoism. – So this is something I just happened to find out about early in life and long before I learned anything about Kabbalah … I’m sure we all have little things like this in our lives’ experiences.
I continued to give because I thought that gaining some egoistic satisfaction from it was worth it because I was giving in the process. And now, after reading about receiving in order to give, I’m thinking that the two ways are basically the same thing, just viewed from different angles because in a sense I Was receiving in order to give by giving and receiving in the process, and because I did get satisfaction from the very action of giving.
I hope this all makes sense…..Thank you for taking the time to read, or skim through, this.
Sin is just the thought that there is anything else other than the Creator acting in reality.
Guilt and shame are part of the control mechanism that push you back into your habits. To incriminate oneself after committing a sin, or breaking a resolution, or caving in to a bad habit is the ultimate act of hubris (pride) since it implies that you are some kind of super-being who can control your actions. It implies that you are laboring under the false belief that you are the doer, rather than God, who is the only true Doer. However, if after falling to sin we allow ourselves to understand that God is the only Actor in the universe, it becomes clear that God allowed you to fall for two reasons: 1) To show you that you are powerless on your own, without Him, and 2) To stimulate a response that would cause you to call upon His Grace and Strength the next time you are tempted.Similarly, the pride and self-congratulation one feels upon overcoming some hurdle is potentially more dangerous to the soul than the guilt and shame from moral failure. Patting oneself on the back for victory over sin, rather than giving all glory to the “Good who does good” is tantamount to Satanism, since you attribute the strength and willpower that it took overcome to oneself.
The proper response to temptation and sin, on the one hand, or to the conquest of sin on the other, always comes down to one and only one virtue: gratitude. When one succumbs to temptation one must always say: Glory be to the Creator for giving me this lesson in humility. And when one succeeds, of course, we should always thank Him for having graciously made us a channel of the Good, for truly, “There is none else besides Him.”
I got something very similar to you, namely that if I am shown favor or disdain I should remain in a state of reverence and whatever I am given in this vessel I must default back to love thy neighbor as a natural outpouring. Indeed, the glory is God’s alone, for I am but a vessel. If I am empty, I am useful. This emptiness is reverence and is the fear of the LORD. I must meditate reverence and pray love, like an oscillation between 0 and 1, never seeking to hold fast to or remain in one state for any period of time.
I do not want to misspeak. Please advice.
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