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I have this terrible impatience of wanting to be the butterfly without going through the entire process my ego says I want it all and I want it now. I know this is not possible and through faith patience kindness love altruism the steps will be accomplished through my intentions to be like our creator in love. It seems as if my ego is the Goliath of David to me.
The knowledge of how to put all this time and effort in learning Kabbalah and all these lessons and money I spent to use and not waste the resources on something frivolous but something solid true and complete and not waste my money and time on anything worthless I’ve sought the truth everywhere this seems to be the correct path but I want all these lessons to come to fruition and become one with our master become equivalent to form I desire to be with him and with the community that loves him and acts upon love and helps me learn to love.
We Know we can’t change each other The change for the better comes from within. But sometimes we do attempt to change one another. Now I see my spouse is my gauge to check my my inner progress.
I learned that my Ego is always trying to take control take credit for anything that I do weather I do things to care and love someone else or for my own needs, Look what I did. Nothing happens without our Aba’s approval first and there is no power beside him. Why can’t i stop certain behaviors. I is depressing and discouraging.
It is no mystery to me that we must love each other more than ourselves. Others come before me because if we realize all of our needs are met as well as some of our corporeal desires from our creator we have no worries and we should give what we receive. But it is no less easy to do so. To tame and control the ego and my own corporeal endeavors to give to others and think of them as myself as their needs are the same as mine this is a hard task nonetheless I desire him the one no one stands beside.
