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But why are people not accepting the bestowal through other people!? They may be even not recognizing the bestowal! Are you sure people want to receive? I am experiencing my whole life that they are not receiving what I give to them as I have it received from the creator, but they take from me what they want to have from me (or mean to want). Or they receive and they don’t give it back like they received it, but holding it. And receiving is passive and it contains what is given, and I learn through Kabbalah that this is even natural, while ‘taking’ is active and it contains a certain image what they have about what they think they want to have without asking, and this has always felt unnatural to me. Not brotherly. I had a hard time on earth, because I refused to take without asking, and I had to receive their poverty they were giving to me. (Yes I know, ‘just take it as bestowal’ 🙄) So is it plausible, that people just can not or do not know how to receive properly!? I have no problems with the Creator, I do have problems with ego-mindsets and lack of awareness of people in this world, and I am becoming impatient, being 40 years long over my limits, that I even do not want to be present here in the world and in this body anymore! Because it makes no sense in this way, they don’t receive what give but just take out of my substance! Where is my blind spot!?
Sorry, I have written my text in german letting google translator translate, is not quite well. And somehow I could’t not describe perfectly everything that was in my mind.
Hey Gil, I’ve written a post in forum ‘reflection’ (cours kabbalah revealed part 2 week 3) on 14.th april from my laptop but my post is not existent accessing the page by smartphone. I’ve tried through log out an in, I still can not find my post by smartphone, but I can still find it navigating by laptop. How can this be, what is the issue!? And is now my post from 14april existent, or not!? (Is the cat dad or alive, or is there a cat at all!?)
okay guys, I’m stuck here, for 3 weeks, or 4. “there is non else besides him” I can take. But that God the Creator contains bad, deadly, unbrotherly, destructive things that the ego has inside, I can’t take that. Religion is when one who feels himself initiated tells another, whom the initiate regards as below himself, which is probably of God. And that’s not true. God is only love, God is only good, God is only gentle, HE knows my kind, my essence, HE is in me and I in HIM. I stand NOW, HERE, as HIS CREATION, in front of HIM. HE knows everything about and from me, HE knows my soul, my spirit, my intentions. To believe that HE made the ego’s program, the ego’s thought system, hurts me deeply. No, God would never abuse or hurt me, not in the slightest, even in the worldly terms of the ego. HE only gives good things, even in world terms. The ego, that is, the fight and blight of God, arose because my soul had doubts that I forgot to laugh about. From the moment of doubt the world and the ego emerged. Right now I’m standing naked in front of him and I want to know the truth. Religion is when guys tell you something to believe without checking it, without experiencing it. And what I have to take accordingly. If you do so, then I’m ready to say – fuck yourself! you are from Satan! God would never hurt me because he can only love me because I am his creation! And he needs no physical world, only I do! So that I get a separate feeling of me and HIM! Both the world and the ego – are my miscreations!!! And I take responsibility for that because I created the ego and I created this dream -or feeling – of being separated from HIM and restricted! which is not true! It’s a dream, God didn’t smuggle the ego into the system, but I, the soul! In my need to separate myself from HIM because I could not endure unity! Because I wanted to overcome him, be over him! THOSE are the real reasons, the reasons of the ego that doubts whether there is a Son of God. Not HE, but I separated from HIM because, influenced by the ego, I couldn’t bear to be under HIM! And because I had no overview at all of myself! So I stand before HIM, I have to bear all the responsibility! I created the doubt, I created the ego against the Creator!, forgetting to laugh about it! This is what I feel and experience! And the doubt and the Ego are both an illusion! They are just a simulation ment to make the delusion within the illusion complete! The Ego in its power! No. Not God, not the Creator gives me pain and confusion, but the ego, which I have created against God! I still could not have expressed, what is there on the foundation of my being, but now would be the text too much. so I let it stop here, hoping you will understand also the emotional and deep message I am now sending. Recap: I am experincing separation, because I have made the Ego, in order to keep myself back and polar from/to the Creator. I am carring the whole reponsibility, and because of this, I have the power to change it. I am not gonna give me free to be abused by the Ego, who says “is everything from God”, I will never love a Over-Power, which wants to harm me, to control me, to abuse me in the Name ofe God! Is time to say the truth. That way it popps out!. Savvy!?
