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I am the tiny fish living in a larger world of sharks (egoism). However my existence as a tiny fish that has been predetermined to be part of other tiny fishes that when united, we will be able to swallow the egoism in this world, not by force but by a great desire to grow together to the size of the larger spirit and be a part of it. Learning Kabbalah will provide for me, the tiny fish, the tiny point in my heart to be properly guided outside the programmed box of fives senses so that I, as a tiny fish (my goal), will be able to exist the programmed box and enter into the “sixth sense.” I am today the tiny fish awaiting more guidance from the Kabbalists towards that path of Light.
When the desire for spirituality—the Point in the Heart–finally appears, the Creator places a person in an environment that will allow the soul to develop to perfection.
The third factor, the externals, can affect the quality of development of the essence, but not the essence itself.
There is only one thing that we can change in this entire system–the speed of development so that spirituality can be achieved in one lifetime.
When we give joy to the collective soul, even though each feels the joy and the closeness individually, this reception becomes bestowal.
I am pointing these quotes because it gives me a better opportunity to explain what I have understood and where I find myself. I could write a book about the “externalities” in my life. However, it would be pointless after what I have learned. I believe I have felt the Point in my Heart several times. And then given in to the externalities more than the Spirituality. I believe that at this point in my life, I want to change the speed of my development so that I can achieve Spirituality in this lifetime. I completely understand that I need, we need to belong to a collective soul of like minded individuals to bring about the reception that will become bestowal. In other words, in terms of free will, I have freely chosen Spirituality and will stay on this path so that my soul will continue to adhere to the Creator. I believe and I understand. Thank you!
I just finished watching Fundamentals of Kabbalah with Dr. Laitman. A lot of questions were asked from the people in different parts of the world about what they needed to do to reach the Creator. They wanted Dr. Laitman to tell them specific instructions on what to pray for, how to act, the Hiddeness of the Creator,etc. Dr. Laitman tried to explain the there had to be an intention in the point of the heart to begin the journey. Some wanted to insist on how to stop suffering. I realized that many were confused. I thought I understood quite a bit when I began these courses since I had read about Kabbalah before. As I began watching the videos, reading the material, and listening to the lectures, I thought I was understanding. However, with every week that I would learn something different, I would get confused. What blew my mind was watching the video of question and answers with Dr. Laitman. Listening to all the questions the audience was asking and listening to Dr. Laitman’s responses, I understood why I could not “see” the Creator, understand that my suffering, my happiness, everything that has happened in my life is from the Creator. I need to change my perception, which I am doing, and understand that the more I close in on the intention to change through kindness and Torah, I will be able to begin the upward 125 steps. I also understood the true meaning of how to pray, pray for others and the world.
I believe that I have gained a deeper understanding of the Hiddeness of the Creator. I can say all of my prayers morning and night. However, does that truly demonstrate that I have an unshakable faith in the Creator? After my prayers, I know that I can ask the Creator for what I need in my times of great need. I know I cannot fool Him because He knows me. I can feel fear, but never doubt that the Creator will hear my sincere call for help because He is the only one acting Force and there is none other than Him. I know fear by experience many times in life and death situations. And in that grip of fear, I have not doubted the Creator. I have been in life and death situations either because of a fierce earthquakes and evil people who have made an attempt in my life. I have asked The Creator for help. At the age of 21, I was a flight attendant for AeroMexico. We had to sign in for flight at exactly 6am. If we did not, we would be grounded for 24 hours, not good. I lived far from the Airport and a taxi would pick me up. All flight attendants had to, when assigned, be at the airport also at exactly 6am as back ups. This one time, the taxi was late. I arrived at the airport at 6:15am. I had a good reputation and my supervisor did not want me to have a bad check on my record. My assigned flight was to Cancun with a two day layover. My supervisor changed my flight and sent me to Mazaltan, also a two day layover. Mazatlan and Cancun were more or less the same distance from Mexico City. My supervisor sent the back up flight attendant in my place. On our way back, when we entered through the back where all pilots and flight attendants entered, there were a multitude of pilots and supervisors telling us, the crew, to call our families immediately to let them know we were ok. I was living with an uncle to let him know I was ok. He was surprised. It was not yet in the news. Then I saw a group of pilots with whom I had flown before and I went up to them and asked to know what was going on. The shock that I found out that the flight that was for me, the plane had gone down, no survivors and the flight attendant who went in my place, had only been there one month. I cried so much asking myself “why.” I called my Papa the next day and told him what had happened. I asked my Papa “why.” It was supposed to be me. His response was that in the greater Force, it was not my time. To answer the question regarding the understanding of the forces working in the world, I am now learning the “why” that is the Spiritual World. I am now learning that there are forces working in the world. And I am learning that as a human being, creature, living in the lower world, I can achieve, by following the teachings of Kabbalah, how to enter the Spiritual World.
Seth, I watched There Is None Else Besides Him Part 1 again carefully. In my own words this is what I would say to myself after asking G-d for forgiveness in terms of stating that I made my own bad decisions: “How arrogant of me to think/believe that I had the authority to make my own faulty decisions;” that was a sin. There are so many things that I am discovering, learning, and experiencing.
I want to give you an example of my understanding of receiving and bestowal. My Papa was my sage, full of wisdom and faith and I loved him immensely. My Mama was the example of courage and faith and I followed her example. My children and I had to flee my country because a leader of a mafia had already given the order to execute my children and me. We escaped and that is why I entered the USA. After my mother and little brother died, my Papa did not want to return to Mexico City. I suffered from many PTSDs after the car accident, mostly being in the dark since the car accident happened at 8:30 pm. I could not sleep with the lights turned off and was still afraid. I would ask G-d to touch my head and give me intelligence, wisdom, and serenity. Then I would stretch out my hand with my eyes closed and ask my Mama to put her hand on my heart and give me peace and to accompany me. As soon as I said that out loud, I was asleep.
I was able to support my children completely in Mexico City. My Papa would visit me sometimes and was proud that I had accomplished what I had. After having to come to live in San Antonio, TX, My Papa helped me find an apartment because nobody would allow me to rent because I did not have “credit.” The manager was a friend of my Papa’s and that is how I was able to stay for three months and then move out. When we moved to a better apartment complex, my Papa came to me and told me that he would take me to all the stores to help me buy everything I needed for the apartment. I reminded him that I had looked after myself and my children for 18 years. His reaction was sad and he left. The next day after he left, I realized that he just wanted to help (bestow), but I did not want his help (not want to receive). I felt so terribly bad. I called him and told him that I did need his help. He came immediately and took me to all the stores to furnish the apartment and kitchen tools. He was so happy and so was I. I would never imply that my Papa was like the Creator. I am explaining my understanding of me as the vessel, rejecting the gift and bestowal that my Papa wanted to give me and me as the receiver rejecting his bestowal. After that experience, my Papa and I were one like we used to be and I learned to be humble towards him and his wisdom and love for us was incredible and solid up until he passed away.
Therefore, does this real life experience explain The Creator’s want to give us, the creatures, His light and bestowal and us, as creatures reject what the Creator wants for us?
