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Hi Erez,
first, this won’t be the last time you’ll find a contradiction in Kabbalah. In every matter there are three lines, and they’re not all spoken of at once. There are the two lines, and then the middle that decides between the two, is born out of them.
Lishma is a miracle, that is only the Upper Force knows how to do this to a person. The person has to try, but all the while he’s doing so with the expectation that the Light will do what it needs to with him to make his wooden airplane a fighter jet. He has to keep going “vvvrrrroooom vrrrooom” as if he’s flying, but by this the Light, so to speak, accepts that this is what you want. We don’t have the ability on our own to make the Reatriction, nothing. Only by the Upper Light can anything spoken of by Kabbalists be realized, except our efforts in the somewhat correct direction according to the advice of Kabbalists.
One shouldn’t try to connect with someone who has passed away as it’s good for neither of you – harms both. When someone’s body dies, they don’t go anywhere. Our perception of reality is so far from the truth that we can’t even clarify this until we rise above this world. We’re all part of one thing, the soul of Adam HaRishon, however, to feel this perception I need to become equivalent in my qualities to the reality in which that is the perceived reality. And that means that first of all, no, I can’t feel this soul or that soul, because already I’m relating to the reality as not One, but, as usual, as divided. There are no individuals, even though each has their own root in the soul, but that too I can only perceive later on, after I perceive the whole as One.
Yes, the Creator won’t reveal to a person more desire than one can correct. Now we have only tiny desires. Even the most ambitious in our world, their desire is on one plane. Like a child that doesn’t want just one pail of sand to build with but to build a giant sand castle. It isn’t considered a big desire and similarly all all the desires of our world are flat, small desires. And you see how many people develop beyond those, to questioning what this life is for, because, in our smallness, we can still be extinguished by tiny fulfillments. So of course the Creator can’t reveal even more for us to chase after, as then one would not be able to correct himself.
We can’t imagine the desires that are concealed from us any more than a small child can imagine the desire for caviar, cognac, delivering well one’s PhD dissertation, etc. But you’re right that the desires to use bestowal in order to receive are incomparably greater, a billion times greater, than the animal pleasures of food, sex, family, money, power, honor and knowledge that we’ve experienced in our lives in this world.
It sounds like studying a bit here even strengthened your faith in your religion, that there is the right place for you. I would also be happy that someone was able to become even more satisfied with their own approach, by seeing ours. We teach the method of Baal HaSulam and Rabash, as best as we understand it, and that’s why it’s going to stay as-is.
