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I measure. I feel I am in the lowest state, far, far from spirituality. It could be that I can’t imagine it’s worth even turning to the Creator from such lowliness and hopelessness. From exactly this state, there’s the most benefit in turning to Him.
You should maintain the necessary connections though: family, work, etc. Especially in the beginning, the Kabbalistic group serves a very targeted purpose, so it will not be able to serve any of those corporeal needs. Think of it sort of like the role going to a karate class every day might play in your life, though here the purpose is much higher: due to its specificity, it can’t replace everything.
You can ask ask ask. In any way. Theres no exact correct prayer except one that is true. Try to find what is actually true. There is something that is true for the Point in the Heart, that you can actually ask truly.
You can do it in a virtual environment. It’s many times stronger if you have at least attended a KabU retreat, as it builds a template for the work later on.
You really just need to measure your attraction, repulsion, or indifference to the ten, your friends. Check this all the time. Because what happens is a deviation from unity with your friends, so that each is in their own thoughts, desires, direction. I like to retreat to being alone, in my own style, and not to be in unity with my friends. From there also comes all kinds of corporeality – but in what and how, we can’t say.
“Devotion” is מסירות × ×¤×© (mesirut nefesh): complete annulment, absolute devotion
It’s that I have just one desire – to adhere to the teacher, the friends, the Creator – above any and all states that pass through me. It’s a decision that I’m watching in advance that nothing can come that will pull me out of the ten. The center of the group pulls me left, right, wherever it wants, I go. Say, like a sperm’s journey to fertilize the egg – it has to be ready to make great efforts, only to practically have something completely different be made out of it, something that we can say somehow includes it, but also discards some external aspects of it. It has to be ready for whatever to be done with it. There’s such a process because of the spiritual process we’ll all have to go through to be born into the spiritual world. Except for us, these are all internal actions you can’t necessarily see on the person.
