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If I practice love of others, to the best of my ability, taking time and making an effort to see the others as a part of me, they will reveal a part of me that my ego resists and in this way I can overcome in faith above reason to love them as myself. Together, if we seek to unite in this, we can advance, meaning that they will be actively correction their portion in me and I will be correcting my portion in them, and together will create a network to see the creator in these connections between us.
I just want to add – again, something that’s coming up over and over again – that we’re meant to consistently nullify to the Kabbalistic society and not necessarily other people in the world or in our lives. As was mentioned in one of the related videos, to nullify the ego to the world would mean that we would surely be taken advantage of; but towards the group where everyone has the same point in the heart and we’re all looking out for another’s interests, this is not the same scenario at all – although the ego is sure to resist it, all the same.
Sometimes I’m frightened to come to class or watch the related videos… for some reason there are times that it fills me with an intense anxiety, I get a very real fear of death, and I wonder if this method is truly for me… but I know that it’s my ego. I don’t know how else to describe it… Is just that my ego afraid of dying or being absorbed into the group?
If I may add, both my mother and father have a history of drug and alcohol abuse. I have a 3 year old daughter and last night I had a glass of wine with my dinner. Not even half way through the glass when I feel the alcohol beginning to affect my sensation I got very uncomfortable as I wouldn’t want my daughter to have memories of me being intoxicated, or, G-d forbid, I raise my voice to her in her manic, tired state while under the influence. Such a thought is enough to illicit immense anxiety in me as all I can think about is how my parents were powerless to their whims… and I put the cup down and I don’t finish it.
My point is that both feelings are very similar, if not the same… anxiety at being even REMOTELY tipsy before my child and the feeling of coming to the class and being apart of the lectures… it’s an acute sensation of mortality and it’s not pleasant at all.
Maybe my question is how can I differentiate or am I supposed to differentiate between what I feel to be a bad decision that can be of harm that I’m supposed to listen to so as to not bring death and destruction into this world, and the ego that’s afraid of it’s own death and is filling me with anxiety which I need to overcome?This might be just me rehashing a realization I had earlier, but it’s coming across more clearer now – the work.
It initially comes across as bizarre that we talk about concepts as soon as they become real… here we are talking about being turned off of the work and how we might feel about the friends, and here I am… thinking all these things and pushing myself to come to class.When we feel furthest from the creator is actually when the light is working on us the most. That feeling of despair that I am not in equivalence of form with the most-high – that I am still prideful or lustful but have caught myself in my own folly – but that I turn to the creator in humility, elevating the friends as great and putting pressure on the connection between us in how I think and feel about them, brings about more and more corrections and thereby is the means of which I can strengthen the influence of the reforming light.
