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I’m not sure if this is on topic but, while I was doing my reading, a bit of a metaphor came into my head. The idea of a balloon that gets inflated inversely. You have an uninflated balloon and somehow a needle managed to prick it from the outside. Suddenly, its being inflated from this small spot, and as it gets bigger and bigger I start feeling better and better. But, its not just air that’s coming through that point, its light as well. As the balloon keeps inflating, the space within it becomes more and more dark, because the only bit of light that’s coming through is from that one small hole. As the deficit becomes more noticeable, I find that I can’t stop the balloon from inflating, and I desperately want it to be filled with light, not just air. Suddenly, even with all this new space around me, I find that I desperately cling next to that one point where the light is coming through, hoping to find a way to make it bigger. The darkness inside that inflated balloon is terrifying, and where I once took pride in it getting bigger and bigger, now I just wish that it wasn’t as dark. “There is none else besides Him”. Sure, I have the freedom to go and traverse all that darkness, but all I want to do is cling to that one ray of sunshine, like a moth to warm light.
The perspective that my individual actions are not as important as the intention behind them seems like a double edged sword. While it helps with not getting hung-up on actions that I regret and can’t change, it also makes me realize just how hard it is to change my intention. Its like an asteroid flying through space at a great speed, the amount of effort it takes to stop it going in that direction is terrifying. Then when it starts to go in another direction, it needs to make sure the direction its going in is the correct once, or else its going to have to take tremendous effort to stop again.
Freedom is being free from the endless struggle to receive in order to receive, because it is a never ending cycle that will never completely fulfil us, like trying to pour water into a bucket with holes in the bottom. By the help of the Reforming Light, we can see where we do not have free will, and thereby work in the space that we have. It helps us find the space between the point of the heart and our will to receive.
By remembering that next to his Light, all of my stresses and woes pale in comparison, and by taking things a day at a time, rather than letting my thoughts about the future overwhelm me.
The reading accompanied by the videos were really nice. I think I hope to be a little more interactive with this upcoming course, to better feel like a part of the community of those studying this content.
What really inspired me was how relatable the reading and video lessons were, it was truly uncanny how much of it lines up with addressing the issues I have in my life. The line of teaching also is also a very neat facet, I can’t help but to respect the long line of scholars who kept the tradition of Kabbalah and continued to delve into it.
I’ve learned that I am not nearly as patient as I thought I was, but that it is something that I will ultimately appreciate working on as I continue my journey in the study of Kabbalah as well as in my work/family life. I learned that the cause of my pain is my intentions and the way I handle my reactions, and that the cost of free will is the necessity to better understand why I make the choices I make.
I wish for everyone to be able to have the time and peace to continue their studies, that we can build upon each others perspectives to help unite the world as the Creator intends.
