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I think I have to go back to previous lessons because the knowledge acquired is starting to get blurry and I cannot even formulate a question. Maybe it’s advancing too fast for me, or I Am complicating concepts that are meant to be simple?
I find myself more conscious of movements around me (forces?)… everything seems more “calculated” to help me reach the goal. Obstacles don’t seem to carry the same meaning as they used to. I tend to see negative events more as indicators that reveal parts of this obstacle course of life, rather than viewing them as constant battles to be won, enemies to be conquered and bad habits to be overcome. In other words, I am learning to accept my course as if it was tailor made for me to succeed.
I found it fascinating that you can only attain the 6th sense through intention. You can not study it or intellectually move up to it. It is all in the heart. You have to yearn for it like the servant in The Garden of Yearning, the lost princess. (Rabbi Arush).
It reminded me of The Beast who could not regain his human form unless he truly learned the essence of caring for another. Pretending by doing the right actions did not work. He could not fool his way out. He had to have the right intention.
I even wonder if I will be able to know my own heart. Am I truly yearning? Or am I deeply curious about this unknown (to me) realm? “The heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it? (Jeremiah…. ?)
I would like to discover what my part is, or what my responsibility is in the reconnecting of the souls. How do I equip myself to fulfill this mission…
I want to demystify Kabbalah so that I can progress on my spiritual journey. For a long time, I have heard that Kabbalah is dangerous if you have not first taken in deeper forms of Torah studies. I have felt like the ant that keeps being drawn to the “sweet door” but keeps heeding to the warnings around it that it will poison me or my faith. Yet I keep flirting with the idea. I just spent several months in Israel and through people I met, those warnings have gradually fallen to the ground and I am now ready for the sweet door. Very much a newbie. At 65, I hope I still have the capacity to take in information that is so different from what my 5 senses are used to. I want to rewire myself so that I can comprehend the reality of Hashem’s dimension.
