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Your doubts remind me of a small part of what I read in Shamati “There is None Else Besides Him”.
“(…)
And he, who always feels that the shattered is greater than the whole, meaning that there are many more descents than ascents, and he does not see an end to these states, and he will forever remain outside of holiness, for he sees that it is difficult for him to observe even as little as a jot, unless by overcoming above reason. But he is not always able to overcome. And what shall be the end?
Then he comes to the decision that no one can help him but the Creator Himself. This causes him to make a heartfelt demand that the Creator will open his eyes and heart, and truly bring him nearer to eternal adhesion with God. It thus follows, that all the rejections he had experienced had come from the Creator.
(…)”
I want to thank you guys for giving me a clear choice.
I understand now how important the environment is and how much power is in this choice. I also understand how the Creator sends me distractions, doubts, laziness, disinterest etc. in order to give me a choice.
Making the continuous choice to be influenced more by a spiritual environment than other environments is absolutely possible. I can do that!
In the past two years I have paid special attention to decisions that I called “symbolic decisions”. Intuitively, it was very clear to me when a decision is simply a normal decision and when it is a symbolic one. However, I never really understood it. Most of my choices seemed completely irrational, but they changed very much inside me and in my circumstances. So, I kept making those choices.
Now, I understand that all my “symbolic decisions” were simply choices of which environment I would put myself in.
For example, at the start of the year I made the “symbolic decision” to not buy a gaming P.C. and instead meditate. Quite often I made the symbolic decision not to go to a party, but to meditate instead. All I did was choosing one environment over another.
To be honest, I don’t really see the freedom in factor 4. Where should that suddenly come from?
I understand that a proper environment “hastens time”, as Kabbalists say. However, Tony Kosinec himself says in the video “Free Will – Part 2” that “as soon as the point in the heart awakens (which I have no control over) the Creator places that person in the proper environment to develop all of its potential (so, there is no choice here as well)”.
I am fine with not having free will. If “There is None Else Besides Him”, as Kabbalists say, and the Creator is all good and benevolent AND the goal is eternal fulfillment, I am happy to be lead by Him.
I do feel that the intention “in order to bestow” “hastens time” and that the choice between “in order to receive” and “in order to bestow” is made freely, although it is not really a difficult choice (coerced by suffering), since nobody would consciously choose suffering over the Path of Light.
If somebody comes up to me and tells me: “Hey man. Putting yourself in a spiritual environment is the best thing you can do to hasten the time of your development and all you need to do to find such an environment is to set the intention of finding it”, then it is all fine for me. But I still don’t see a point of freedom in this anywhere. After all, I would not set the intention to find a proper environement if it wasn’t either suggested to me by a friend or it came from inside me (from the point in my heart which the Creator created for me). I can’t control any of that. And since I am run by the egoistic program, I cannot even decide what my response to my friend’s suggestion will be. Will I look for a spiritual environment? That’s pre-determined.
Am I confused somewhere? Can you help?
Freedom is the choice between the intentions “in order to receive” and “in order to bestow”.
Studying Kabbalistic books will develop our inner desire to grow the intention “in order to bestow” because it draws the Reforming Light to us.
According to the video, it is also important to connect with other people and consistently choose an environment that values spirituality more than corporeality.
I think the following song is a great way to start into this course. Perhaps somebody will enjoy.
Burning Fire by Camino: https://youtu.be/HG3llRIXAYA
