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What most inspired me in the course?
1. that there is hope.
What have I learned about myself in the process?
2. that my entire problem is that i thought there wasn’t hope.
What do I wish for my fellow students in their spiritual development?
3. nothing. i’m still too egoistic to care about anyone else but myself.i watched a video where tony says that without a group trying to achieve the goal is completely moving target. i still don’t understand why it’s something you can’t achieve alone. i never really understood it. isn’t like “giving” such an immensely broad goal that it’s not difficult to miss?
how can i realize that egoism is the cause of all my problems if we haven’t obtained a true ego yet? (the spiritual ego)
because i was thinking about how all my problems are because of people who try to destroy me, and i guess i am egoistic because i can’t forgive them or something (even though i don’t become vindictive and try to hurt them). you know, so i’m trying to understand how that is the real cause of all my problems in life, why i’m miserable now for instance. but i can’t quite grasp it, because i have no choice but to survive and i never really did anything to anyone. i don’t get what the spiritual ego is.. like am i wasting my time trying to identify it?
why do we suffer throughout history if our desire was only for lesser things (not spirituality)? wouldn’t we simply not feel the suffering because our desire wasn’t great enough? or do we in fact suffer only to the extent that we have a desire?
i’m really confused about what egoism actually is. it’s not the will to receive itself is it? and i know you guys say something like egoism doesn’t really exist until the spiritual? i don’t understand what the mechanism of suffering is before we have developed the ego or attained spirituality. aren’t we supposed to be like animals?
