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Ask the Creator to change me because I am helpless without Him. Follow a proven path…Study authentic Kabbalah texts with a qualified teacher, change/improve my environment to a spiritual one (an environment where connection can be made through building a vessel with friends who have the common goal of spiritual attainment).
To be in “Equivalence of Form” with the Upper force. Loving, giving, and accepting that there is “None else beside Him” Who gives you disturbance to grow. A lot easier said than done.
In the far past, I physically moved from place to place, country to country looking for an ideal environment and finally realized, it was all in vain. Eventually, I realized that I needed to isolate and dig myself a hole for a perfect environment away from people as I saw that the ideal environment does not exist. Sadly, I discovered in Kabbalah that this was the exact wrong thing to do, for He can only be revealed in a specialized group and connection with others.
Now, I am using “Faith above reason” that is recommended by Kabbalah to assist me in accepting the terms as this quest for revealing the Creator has not subsided since I turned 13. At the rate I am going, I think I may not find it in this lifetime.  As the teaching says, one may need several reincarnations to finally learn the purpose of our life and where do we come from and where do we go when we die.
Given what I have seen so far, I, truly, do not want to come back to do this all over again. I am either a SLOW learner, or this is NOT any easier for others who are also in the same boat and struggling like I am.
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