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I apologize for posting off topic here but I’m unable to access the other Week 2 forums (a black pop-up box appears when I click on the links at the end of the lesson material).
A few months ago, I ended a seven-year relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits. I stayed a long time because I thought he behaved toward me in these negative ways (lack of emotional empathy, manipulative control and coercion) because I needed to learn how to put my personal needs or ego aside and be more giving of myself and understanding of his needs. I feel that practice is a big part of the practical teachings of Kabbalah.
Since I have left, I can identify the ways this person and myself have been hurt as children/young adults, leading to the way we behave toward each other and others as an adult. So I can empathize with their feelings and behaviors but at the same time, I believe I need to uphold my boundaries of not being in a romantic relationship with them because those actions are harmful to me. Still, I do have some guilt around asserting my needs.
Although we speak a lot about correcting our egoistic desires and moving toward being altruistic, is part of the reason we will be doing this in carefully selected “lab groups” because we need to do this work with others who have an awakened point in the heart and have progressed in the coursework, vs those who perhaps are not ready to do the self-reflecting work necessary for this shift to occur?
I am looking forward to learning more about how being altruistic may not mean being submissive or dismissive of our own needs and would love to hear some insights from instructors or other students on this.
I think it is a change in thought from, “I exist to fulfill my desires in themselves, and it doesn’t really matter about others so much,” to a position of, “The greatest fulfillment of my desires, and so the greatest pleasure I can receive, is the pleasure that comes from being able to help other created created beings fulfill their desires.”
I’m not sure if this makes me an apikoros, but I would even say that in some ways the greatest pleasure we can bestow is upon the Creator by receiving the bestowal the Creator bestows on us with a joyful heart. Using the example often used about the dinner party, not only do we get enjoyment and pleasure from the food, music, company, and atmosphere of the dinner party, but expressing our enjoyment brings so much pleasure to the host of the dinner party. We, can then experience the pleasure of pleasing the host simply by being pleased by the good received. It kind of creates a feedback loop of receipt-bestowal-receipt-etc.
I think it is a realization that there is great personal benefit in ensuring the well being of others (people, animals, plants, fish, etc.). Some examples: our children benefit more when all children receive a quality education because they will need to work together in the future. Or that we need healthy trees and fish for a healthy climate, which in turn translate to our own health. Or that ensuring that everyone feels confident in the ability to have their needs met removes the need for revolt/revolution and provides peace for all of us, etc.
En últimas significa que hemos corregido nuestro deseo y dado el paso de la norma egoÃsta de Nimrod de “lo que es tuyo es tuyo, lo que es mÃo es mÃo”, con toda la secuela externa de catástrofes, pandemias y desolación global y personal, hacia la forma más amplia de amor al projimo en la cual ” lo que es tuyo es tuyo, lo que es mÃo también es tuyo”, y la llegada del alma hacia los mundos espirituales y a una convivencia pacÃfica y amorosa entre todos.
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