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Already before Corona started, I saw videos from Tony Kosinec (how did I come there?) and maybe I started to realize what message gave kaBU. Now I still think I’m still in that situation.
That sort of awakening I felt as logic but also as a new support, or grip on my life.
It all made sense.
Somewhere It looks like I’m searching for a reset concerning the ego.  I’ve got the insight, but my old habits become worse.
maybe I can’t blame anybody I’m the responsible one. There is no excuse…
regarding “Getting rid of the ego”: I never thought the ego was bad, so I never thought we needed to get rid of it before. I’ll explain. If we were initially all unified, and became seperate beings, then each being needed a will to define seperate identity. This identity is crucial for even being able to chose to be unified. At one piont in my past, I was very “needy” I could not speak, walk, or anything that I used to enjoy. I was depressed because I needed help for everything. A very wise therapist told me that I was so lucky to be able to see exactly how important it is to need and that I was able to truly help so many others learn to give. It took me a while to understand, but finally I understood that a giver is nothing without the needer…a metaphor is a dirty house, vs. a previously cleaned one when you are a housekeeper. You actually enjoy making a difference…. Oh I love that word: difference. I am different that you, but we is one word, but I am still different.
I had a lot of thoughts, and typing them out sort of solidifies them…so, I type a lot.
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