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I really need a stabil circle of friends, because I feel I havn’t the power and know-how to take and carey (to endure!?) all the bliss is already raining on me. And I feel so blessed in the same time. Receiving and bestowing are not one after the other, but both instant.
Father, I no longer know what to look for or what I am here for, but if anything is still worth living for me, it is not to tread on your Heart, Father. For Your Heart is My Heart.
Can I say here a word? Does Kabbalah have something like a complaint corner, where one is allowed to tell things even if it’s not allowed? Without the whole universe would be blown away!? After sleeping one night over the workshop I realize that I gave this world more meaning and more value that it actually has. I saw in it my own wish of how it should be projecting my heart on it ignoring the worlds inability to rise to that state, waisting myself. And that the whole pain in life is because there is no vessel which would receive what is bestowing. That means I always was in a wrong place, wanting it to be right. And that I don’t want to kill the body in order to be free from the world but to kill everybody else, who is rezisting against connection. That means I want to kill the ego and I want to leave this world and to dissapear. Now I know what I truly want, thank you.
