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Today I came to the conclusion, that the soul is dreaming of itself being the Creator creating. That is what is described in the Genesis. The man, super-ego projecting itself on the Creator. Seeing Him like itself. Mindblowing! A Creator that punishes!? That asks me for sacrifice!? For limitations!? He ask for willingnes, and He does not force me to anything, never! That destroys!? This is the art of ego! I have never experienced god like this, unconscious people were like that, being that way through their own will!
But why are people not accepting the bestowal through other people!? They may be even not recognizing the bestowal! Are you sure people want to receive? I am experiencing my whole life that they are not receiving what I give to them as I have it received from the creator, but they take from me what they want to have from me (or mean to want). Or they receive and they don’t give it back like they received it, but holding it. And receiving is passive and it contains what is given, and I learn through Kabbalah that this is even natural, while ‘taking’ is active and it contains a certain image what they have about what they think they want to have without asking, and this has always felt unnatural to me. Not brotherly. I had a hard time on earth, because I refused to take without asking, and I had to receive their poverty they were giving to me. (Yes I know, ‘just take it as bestowal’ 🙄) So is it plausible, that people just can not or do not know how to receive properly!? I have no problems with the Creator, I do have problems with ego-mindsets and lack of awareness of people in this world, and I am becoming impatient, being 40 years long over my limits, that I even do not want to be present here in the world and in this body anymore! Because it makes no sense in this way, they don’t receive what give but just take out of my substance! Where is my blind spot!?
Sorry, I have written my text in german letting google translator translate, is not quite well. And somehow I could’t not describe perfectly everything that was in my mind.
Hey Gil, I’ve written a post in forum ‘reflection’ (cours kabbalah revealed part 2 week 3) on 14.th april from my laptop but my post is not existent accessing the page by smartphone. I’ve tried through log out an in, I still can not find my post by smartphone, but I can still find it navigating by laptop. How can this be, what is the issue!? And is now my post from 14april existent, or not!? (Is the cat dad or alive, or is there a cat at all!?)
