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Yes and no. I realize there is a spiritual world run by the Creator and have known this since childhood. I have experienced a few moments that made me aware of spiritual realities, but I don’t see this on a regular basis. I live on one acre, alone in a small farmhouse. I perceive nature, and my dogs and chickens and learn from them what they need to survive. I have a garden and am learning about the needs of my various plants. I am creating a food forest to provide abundance. All of these living things teach me things that I cannot see. I look into the heavens and I know God is there, but I cannot see Him. I talk with Him on my pillow every night and morning just to have someone to talk to – every since I was a girl. But I cannot see anything beyond my five senses. When I hear certain music, my heart swells to it’s unknown message with an intense yearning (I listen to Hebrew as I am learning Hebrew language) and I wonder why it affects me so – recently Zohar HaRakia. I often cry in what feels like despair because of my own pride – and I live with no one, so who is there to compare myself to? I compare myself to an all loving and giving God and I cannot see myself in anything but a prideful position – wanting to be like Him – to be able to give to others. I just pray that He will purify my soul of these selfish ambitions, but what else is there outside of myself? I really don’t know very much and I just keep searching for truth.
My free will is only found in choosing an environment that will enhance what is already taking place that I have no control over. I am guessing this can change over time. Currently, I am separated from the city, living alone and learning much about life in my seclusion. At some point, I will need to rejoin human society. When it’s time.
I’m not quite sure as this is all brand new thinking for me, but I’m getting that, if our inclination is the egoist way, then I should seek to be one with the Creator and whenever I encounter people, guard my reaction to them to put aside the ego and choose be be like the Creator by bestowing on them what brings them pleasure, whether or not they know or recognize what I have done for them. It will be easier to do with people who are good and kind, but difficult with those who have abused me or taken advantage of me. Still, they are on a journey of correction, and by perceiving them in that way, I will no longer take it personally that I have been abused by them. I will work through whatever my reactions may be and surrender them to the Creator by choosing love and an attitude of bestowal of good upon them, loving them as I would myself. It is hard, but I am practiced at this, though I have never heard of Kabbalism until recently.
I want to know God and reflect His image. I want to know truth and be able to communicate truth in ways that others yearn more for truth than ever before. I want life to be real and to understand it. I want to enjoy my life, the years left to me.
Everything! I never even heard the term Kabbalah until a few months ago. I have learned from a couple of YouTube videos that it isn’t anything I would not want to participate in. I’m glad it’s not a religion too, as I have left that. I want only truth.
Wow. We are a needy people. If God is the Bestower, and we, created beings are the receivers, we “cry out” to have our needs met, our desires provided for by Him. If that is our intention – to connect with him by receiving his goodness in provisions, then whether we use words or not, our prayer is heard as we are provided for at all times with sunshine, air, and well-being. If we need it, we yearn to have it, it comes – from the Giver. Prayer, then is the intentional request from our hearts, words or not, that seek provision from our Creator. He always provides whether it seems good or not, in the middle of danger, sadness and more. We breathe. We live. We are provided for. When I went through my divorce recently, I needed a place to grow old in health and well being, and the money I was provided at one time only had to make that happen. I found a place and made a bid because I liked it and really needed it. It seemed to be the best solution I could find. There were no other bids for this property. I moved in and found out I couldn’t pay for it for 2 months. Then, the money came another month after that, at seemingly the last minute, but it all worked out. It was such a miracle to me that I have never been more convinced that God knows little ole me. It was provided for me, not my family, but me. He did that. I had a need. I yearned for a situation that would last and not create more need down the road. I received. I am so blessed! I want to share my blessings. It is a wonderful world though a divorce triggered all of it, a very unhappy situation. It turns out that it was a blessing in other ways as well. I didn’t want to live alone, but in doing so, I am being taught so many things! Life is good. Hope is eternal. People won’t always be so distant as they are now, both physically and emotionally. Life is full of cycles and my needs will be provided, even one for community when I have none presently in this home and location that I yearned for. It all works out for our good as we search for truth.
