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I just finished watching Part 2 video. I have commented earlier that I have made bad decisions that I had considered them to be from my own free will, consciously knowing that they were my bad decisions. I cannot think of a time in my life that I doubted the existence of G-d. I do remember when there were times in which I was on the edge of the cliff where the only way was going down. At those times, I followed my Papa’s advice, “put your life in G-d’s hands.” I did; whatever it was going to be, it was going to be G-d’s will. However, as I am learning Kabbalah, I have to ask a question. Stating that I made some bad decisions which caused me suffering and that I knowingly still made bad decisions for which I would ask G-d to forgive me. Were those bad decisions part of the Creator’s plan for me? Are they considered “sins?”
I have talked to G-d for a very long time in my life. I talk to Him about everything in my life. I have asked Him to grant me wisdom and intelligence in my mind. I would also ask Him to grant my heart peace and to accompany me. I would ask for a bracha, blessing, for anyone ill in my extended family and my children if they were ill. I have had pets since I was six years old, poodles, toy, miniature, standard because they are hypoallergenic. I am very allergic to a lot of things such as pets and in the air. I have a miniature poodle, two years old that was gifted to me one month after my YorkiePoo of 16 years old had to be put to sleep, 2023. Hence, I also thank G-d for my little pet, Athena, because she keeps me company. I am disabled and I receive a small social security check. I am not from this country, USA; hence, I did not have enough work credits to receive a larger social security check as do people who have worked their entire life. My son brought me to live with him and my two grandchildren, 8 and 5 years old from San Antonio, TX to Ashburn, VA. However, he is going through a very difficult time, soon to be divorced and he lost his job two months ago. He has been applying for 70-80 jobs online since then. I ask G-d to please help him find a job when I talk to G-d everyday. I was not taught to talk to G-d. I began doing that naturally. However, I remember that my Papa would always tell me that when I was going through uncertain times, to put my life in G-d’s hands. I have. And I recognize that I have made some very bad decisions in my life that have caused me to suffer. After listening to Part 1 of Tony’s video, I learned about the corporeal and the spiritual. And as Seth explained, making free will decisions does lead to a bumpy road, suffering. I also, when I talk to G-d after my prayer, I thank Him for my life (parents, siblings, children) and as I talk to Him about my life, I smile and tell Him that He knows me. It is correct that G-d cannot be fooled. What I did not expect to know about is Kabbalah; what it teaches one. Then all of a sudden my life is not over, even at 74 years old. I have so much to learn both corporeally and spiritually. Knowing what I knew, in terms of how my life has been, I can now learn and see my life through the wisdom of Kabbalah, which is a completely different way of knowing G-d. Thank you, Seth, for the great explanations and examples you have stated.
There is only one Creator. We, us humans did not create ourselves. We did not create the universes. We did not create nature. Everything around us and within us is from the Creator. I can look at the sky and know that extraterrestrial aliens did not create the sky, our world, etc. We exist because of the Creator. Therefore, that point in our heart which is love, is bestowal from the Creator. Hence, as receivers of that love and pleasure (The Light), we accept His Light as receivers and we bestow our love back without any residue of egoism. It is then when we will be aligned with the Creator.
I was having trouble understanding fully The Screen and the Equivalence of Form. With the example of the Host and the guest, I finally understood how to attain the Primary Tool-The Screen. I finally understood how to exit the program of five senses-egoism in order to enter the program of a sixth sense. The program that exists outside the program of egoism. In exiting the program of egoism, I will be able to enter the sixth sense which will allow me to enter/sense the Upper Worlds, the Spirituality by correcting myself and rise through the upper worlds to achieve Equivalence of Form with the Creator. I makes perfect sense to me now. However, correcting oneself, that is eliminating egoism, is a challenge I want to take. It is an intention to align myself with the Creator; to accept the Light and to bestow to the Creator.
I have read a lot. I have learned a lot from readings and videos. There is a lot of intricate learning. That is, all the phases that comprise the learning of Kabbalah. But what blew my mind in learning how to align with the Creator, was for me, a beautiful summary when I read: “As He is merciful, you are merciful. As He is compassionate, you are compassionate.” This is powerful.
By understanding how to bestow. As one understands how to bestow, step by step, the point of the heart will develop and illuminate the path one is to follow. To follow this path, one will have had to understand egoism and work alongside to rid oneself of all egoism. At this point, the vessel, the creature, the one, will be ready to fully accept without any shame all the Light that is the Creator’s intent from the beginning. Finding that one path towards the Light of the Creator, the understanding will be that one has stepped outside the “program,” box of five senses to enter into the realm of the six sense. That is my goal. As I have mentioned before, I talk to HaShem every day. I ask Him questions about the why of some things, some happenings, etc. I understand what I have learned at this point. From my perspective, it is not going to be an easy path to follow because there are still “loose ends” in my present life. This means to me that I have to be more kinder, more forgiving, more giving (Mitzvot). I can say with truth that I have been kind. I have forgiven what I believed I could never forgive and leave it in the past. I have done a lot of Mitzvot. However, my vessel still has some residue (egoism) and that is where I need to initiate the elimination of the residue in order to become aligned with The Creator.
