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This week has been difficult for me in terms of the study itself. In fact, I have become triggered in a sense and experienced moments of despair last night over the study itself. Something in me rose up and protested greatly; perhaps it is all the talk of Satan and loving our neighbor that created an uprising within. I became aware that all I seem to do is give and give and give and give and give. And here I am taking a course telling me that all I do is receive. I became so angry with myself and honestly feel like a complete fool. Why am I learning to receive in order to give when all I do is give and give and give? I’m in a state of complete rejection of this teaching and I desperately need help.
Dr Laitman shares the Kabbalist perspective of man as the sensing creature of creation. Creation is the natural world considered reality. As the Creator is absolute and unchanging so is the creation. It follows that creation is manifested as a result of laws that are also true of the Creator. The paradox appears to be that although the Creator is hidden from us he is revealed in the creation. When we view nature and ourselves as the means to perceive the Creator we can shift our perspective from viewing nature as good and bad to sensing creation for what it is. Once we view reality for what it is beyond dualities we start to catch a glimpse of the Creators thoughts in the creation itself.
My goal for studying Kabbalah is ascend the Tree of Life so I can experience coherence with creation and the Creator because I feel that this is the only reason for living.
At this point in my study of Kabbalah freedom and the Reforming light is yet to be revealed in my awareness. My ego sees freedom as moving through my life as my authentic self without concern or worry over how my basic needs shall be met. I have no desire to chase wealth or power or knowledge for the sake of societal acceptance. This was not always true, I have chased all these things. My ego has chased love in the most selfish ways manipulating men I loved to adore me and I looked to them to fill the emptiness in me and when they could not I left them mercilessly. I sought to take their freedom from them to cling to me. Kabbalah has revealed this to me and I am ready to accept and give love unconditionally without attachment. What is coming into view is a letting go of what my ego wants to explore what Spirit wants. Perhaps this is the spark of what freedom is.
Seth I interpret your reply in the context of what we learned in semester 1 – the Epstein example is the path of pain that ultimately leads to correction as does the path of light. This is true because the law of equivalence is absolute. We see evidence of this truth in the four stages of development. At first it appears beyond reason until it is viewed from this perspective. Although I may not like the answer I do accept it and see the beauty in it.
