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I’d have to eliminate wanting to be special or wanting anything special for myself. I’d have to trust that the system works for everyone including me.  It’s not hard even now to want to be good to people, but that’s always limited by watching out for “number one”, as they say.  Beyond that, wanting to do good for everyone seems very daunting; there are a lot of people, and I’m used to experiencing them as being filled with disagreements and competitions.
The week 4 classes freaked me out! (all the other classes were great!). I’ve been in so many groups before, large and small, where we had to do things like gaze in each others’ eyes in silence and hug each other. I hated those so much! It always seemed so fake, especially since afterwards in trying to talk with the same people, more often than not there was discomfort/ awkwardness, mainly from lack of our personalities meshing comfortably I guess. Maybe the gazing and hugging is what’s real and the trying to talk is what’s not, but I associate these types of exercises with nothing genuine and good. I’ll feel really disappointed if the so-promising things in most of the lectures and books here turn out to be beautiful words only. I guess I’m in a descent, is that correct? What might I anticipate next?
From looks of the video, it maybe means keeping our mouths shut and our hearts open. Looks terrifying. (I’ve been in groups of another religion where people did the staring and hugging thing a lot, it doesn’t associate to anything good now for me I fear, due to what ended up happening in those groups).
I do understand about relating in spirit beyond the body and ego, I’m just apprehensive about methods sometimes.
Hmm the preparation question just above this rectangle is different from the one at top of the page. About dissemination: I’m so relieved to hear Dr. Laitman say that it doesn’t mean going out and selling books or proselytizing, etc. It sounds as if it means living the truth that we’re learning to the extent of capability, whenever and wherever we are, knowing that it impacts the world.  I very much want to learn how to do that!
The link isn’t live in the recommended reading section to Awakening to Kabbalah Ch. 2, In the Beginning. At least not on my computer. I ordered the book but it hasn’t arrived yet, and couldn’t find that chapter anywhere else online. Ways to access it? Thank you!
