[Helen]

Hi Gianni

Our Ten formed only a few month ago after YG and I know it will take some time for us to bond and spend more time together. Since we do not spend a lot of time together (yet) and it’s all virtual, it feels like there are very limited “raw materials” available for me to do internal work in this Lab. I wonder if I can take the 613 Mitzvot from Judaism and try to actualize in daily life when applicable, with the intention for correction on my ego, will that help to “speed” things up for my spiritual advancement? I understand this shall mostly be internal work rather than trying to externalize those Mitzvot in corporeal life.

thanks

Helen

[Helen]

Hi Gianni, it’s kind hard to sort out this question about Ohr Hozer, as there are some many questions. let me try to clarify two things with your help;

1. I am very confused why Ohr Hozer is called a Light. Is it correct that Ohr Hozer is not part of the Direct Light nor a separate Light generated by the Kli, but rather something that expresses the Kli’s intention to bestow toward the Creator? I am trying to understand what Ohr Hozer actually is in essence? whether it should be understood as the Kli’s intention, the relationship between the Kli and the Creator, or some kind of force that results from the Masach? so, what is Ohr Hozer? 

2. Is it correct to understand that it emerges simultaneously with the Masach in the Zivug de Hakaa, and that according to the measure of this intention the Kli can sustain, it determines how much of the Direct Light can be clothed and received as Ohr Pnimi?

thanks

Helen

[Helen]

Hi Gianni

I’ve been studying for some time, and as far as I can tell my “desires” haven’t increased noticeably, neither corporeal nor spiritual. My desire for spirituality feels steady but flat, like it has no taste, yet it remains important to me. At the same time, the emptiness keeps growing. I know the ego can be cunning and may be hiding things from me, so I’m not fully certain of my own perception,  but this is what I observe. Is this growing emptiness something I am supposed to be experiencing? and what should I be doing with it?

thanks

Helen

[Helen]

Gianni, thank you for the prayer.

I understand that we operate on two levels, corporeal and spiritual. Externally, we act through doctors or whatever situation it may be and do what is required, while internally recognizing that everything comes from the Creator.

Yet I am struggling with a subtle paradox: if even my thoughts, desires, impulses, and the direction I lean toward are all given by Him, how is my effort meaningful? In spiritual work, we are told that our only freedom is the speed of advancement, but isn’t that also predetermined? It feels like I am making choices, but in reality, even which way I lean is given.

My current understanding is that my “say” does not affect the outcome, the path, or the timing, but only my felt experience: the sense of “freedom”, the inner striving, and how I relate to what is given. Perhaps it is this experience of the awareness of “choosing” adhesion, of walking the path consciously, that is the real key to opening the gates of spirituality?

don’t worry, I will still act and do my best, as that is how I am wired/predetermined, but I would like confirmation: is this understanding correct? That the meaningful “participation” in spiritual work is in the felt engagement and inner experience, rather than in altering the path, outcome, timing, speed, or even the internal leaning?

[Helen]

Hi Gianni

I heard something from my doctor that I didn’t want to hear, and I need to go through more exams. But I found myself having no desire to pray for something like “please, no bad news,” as that feels like I would be telling the Creator: if this was your Plan A, change to Plan B. I found myself thinking: it is what it is — if He planned something, I surrender to it. I found myself having some emotions, but in a very calm way. I don’t even have any prayer… if anything, I feel a bit closer to Him. If anything, I will pray for strength and more adhesion.

But on the other hand, this is so against nature! I should have questioned why, I should have been asking for something else… Is my ego tricking me?

thanks

Helen

[Helen]

I understand more effort creates greater lack, but that lack still feels like it would only produce a mind level, ego driven prayer , such as: I wish I had this desire because it would make things easier…

how will that transform into a heartfelt prayer? Is it that by continuing the effort regardless, the light gradually works on me until the desire becomes more sincere and heartfelt on its own? I only need to worry about doing it and also it’s okay to have the ego driven prayer to start with?

[Author]

Replies