Forum Replies Created
- Replies
I am gaining an understanding/awareness of the dance between the positive and negative forces in my internal world.
Regarding spiritual connection, I have a very large untrusting wounded ego that uses doubts and questions to push connection away believing this brings safety. I also feel a deep desire to spiritually connect with others. This week’s explosion of word vomit is from the internal battle between these two desires. Thank you for your patience and responses.
The answer does not help clarity my current struggle. I have an impression deep inside that I realize will be considered wild or vain imaginations that need correction. I have heard this before from Christian leaders when I discussed 40 years ago that there was an impression inside that stated there was no Satan, hell was not a place but degree of separation from God, there were only 2 forces working to come back in balance/at rest, using Christian language the forces of flesh and spirit, we are but a broken vessel with each piece holding various degree of spirit. For my stating this I received exile from Bible studies while being accused of doing Satan’s bidding, received condemnation from the pulpit stating I was following a false god. So when I came to the Kabbalah material 40 years later the impressions were validated, this fuels my desire to study deeply. Now comes another impression again inside and I do not know what to do with it but at the least to allow it to be exposed in order to work with. Impression: a force? Cannot place word on, exists in complete harmony and balance where everything is at rest. From this comes a thought of creation in completness. A Creator force emanates with two opposing natures to bring out of rest/balance in order to grow and evolve the nature of each. At the start the two natures were in a form of immature balance, the Kabbalah analogy of mother and fetus. The Creator brings the two natures out of rest and balance to evolve them. There is a deep connection between these two forces, root to point in the heart, this allows a sense of each other. Bestowal only wants to do its nature and bestow, receiving likewise for receiving. The divide keeps each from connecting except for the thread from root to point. The evolution is for these opposing natures to come into a higher nature of connection and balance to return to rest. This impression separates creator as a force to enforce the complete thought of creation. To bring two opposing natures to a higher degree of connection, then rest/balance. This frees the receiver nature from being judged and hated by the Creator and assigns this to the opposing nature of bestowal, just as receiving also hates bestowing. This is where I find the purpose to do the work of correction so that receiver and bestowal natures can enter a higher connected state of rest. This impression can be called wild imagination and that is ok, just as I did 40 years ago, I am exposing to work with. Kabbalah gives the tools for use for correction and I know I need to do my part so I will continue to study deeply while also expressing impressions to work with to gain understanding of is it wild imagination of something that needs to be received.
I know I am blowing up this feed with all the posts and after a walk in the woods to ponder my response from last post the reason is beginning to form. I have something inside activated to the words, the Creator hates to be a receiver. This is the quality He created me with right down to being stuck below the barrier. My insides translate this to me as a purely altruistic and loving creator hates my quality of receiving while I am working through correction needed for equivalence of form so His bestowal can be fully received. To me, this is Christianity 101, a loving God hates the fallen qualities in me but unconditionally loves me and will meet me where I am if I use free will to choose his qualities. Otherwise God will place you in hell/perpetual separation. I do not understand this concept of hate in pure bestowal of love as being complete and lacking nothing. I need help making sense of this as it is the very reason I left Christianity.
“The Creator also hates to be a receiver, as He is completely whole and needs nothing. ” I am struggling for clarity in some of these statements, I cannot understand reason for any form of creation, bestowal and reception the current being discussed, to appear from state of rest if there is not a desire. If the creator hates to be a receiver then my question again is what need is there for the creature to attain equivalence of form? If there is completeness in bestowal what need is there for a receiver? It seems bestowal has a need for everything given to be received, if there is a need or desire this does not go with completely whole and needs nothing. I struggle with the contradiction. Please have patience with me as I have spent many years searching, my time is running short on finding the true path, and something inside me, born of many let downs, is operating using the null hypothesis process, maybe this needs to change but contradictions perceived really need clarity or this part of myself will get caught continuing to try to prove this Kabbalah scientific law wrong. I guess I am still in the phase of it is not law to me yet only hypothesis, my trust of taking information on face value as law has been severely broken by this life journey to date.
