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I am understanding the concepts but as my posts to this point shows I know I am not experiencing what others in this forum are, but my desire is still strong for the experiencing of the creator’s qualities.
I believe evolution wants us and pushes us to reunite but have deep concerns that all the shattered pieces will allow this evolution of uniting, I am stuck in seeing the world through the 5 senses, this is why I wish I and others could have some remembrance from before the separation.
I struggle with the need for complete separation with no remembrance of stage 4 – It now perceives that the light wants to fulfill it completely and consciously attempts to take in all of the light only to fulfill the Creator. Why was this intention not the evolution completion of desire? I struggle with evolution need of complete separation and being cut off from the experiencing the creator that brings the exact opposite qualities I desire.
Taking into consideration of my post to the previous question of feeling betrayed by the evolution of separation I am seeing in myself a slave mentality of wanting to be a slave again in unconscious unity as compared to being a slave to separation in ego. This brings hard questions around my trust that evolution is working towards benefit as so far I have experienced what seems like pain, misery, loneliness, emptiness, and despair. Am holding on to hope that this current stage of evolution will transform soon.
My feelings alternate between longing for the place of unconscious unity where there was no separation and needing to work towards conscious unity, then feeling betrayed for the separation, to then finding moments of joy in the spiritual journey. Am desiring more moments in conscious unity but ego is very persistent in showing me the opposite.
