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I have had the understanding there is none else besides Him for many years but the actual sensation of this truth has been few and momentary. After watching the video I realize that over the years where I placed emphasis was upside down, seeing the ills/darkness of humanity with greater emphasis than the light of the creator. Spending significant time and energy working within the system of illusion trying to bring beneficial change that I now recognize was just more illusion. I am here in these courses to bring change to my emphasis in a manner that brings true benefit to humanity and creation.
The first course illuminated to me the degree of (stuff) from 60 years of life that is working to block clarity on receiving this material. I hope and will work in this second course to set this stuff down to participate openly and just receive information as it is presented so that I can focus on transforming my desires intention.
What inspired me in this course was the instructors responding to all the questions creating a sense of initial group connection.
I have learned that my ego does not want to connect in a group setting but there is a deeper desire to connect spiritually.
I wish connection for all and a quickening of creations final correction.
I thank you for your responses and patience! The scales of illusion are thick on my perception creating difficulty to receive this material clearly but your responses are bringing some light to the darkness helping to increase my ability to perceive (true) spirituality.
Still sitting with this egoistic condition that needs correction I am finding I am powerless to correct. Is this the space of hopelessness in ego self that motivates a deep prayerful cry to the Creator for help? I am there now with tears streaming but doubt of my worth remains. Will there be an end to this pain?
In week 2 of this study program a lot of energy arose within that led to a lot of questioning and doubting the material. I have spent the past 3 weeks in introspection and identified I was taking in the material from a distorted perception. This placed everything out of context. Inside I found several egoistic hubs with nodes that created an interconnected web of shared purpose (create safety for the ego). Being raised in conservative Christian environment a main theme taken to heart was God loves us unconditionally, when I did wrong God hates me and will send me to everlasting torment, any corrective beatings were to perfect me so God could love me. So now I have egoistic hubs of I am damaged, I am unlovable, I am unworthy, etc. that then stems out to nodes of challenge authority (this one gets me in a lot of conflict!), despair, avoidance, disconnection, etc. So now my question, are these hubs and nodes considered as some of the 613 egoistic desires needing correction? I can clearly see how these desires are all about focus on the ego but not yet able to perceive how they can be transformed into an altruistic force.
