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I desire to be content despite what is going on around me in the world. I hope to change my perspective of the way I look at things that I used to view as “bad” or “negative.” I have a longing to be a cog inside of a big clock. I already am even though I do not feel that way, even though at times I feel separate . One cog cannot operate without the other cogs within the clock.
I stepped outside of myself for maybe the first time in my life. I started to look at the things that happened to me and others from a different lens. I am excited to learn how to take that step further into putting things into practice and learning the practical methods and bringing it altogether .
My mind has been struggling with the “how” of this process since lesson 1 week over 2 months ago. I pushed through what I thought was mundane and building the blocks for a foundation. Through these lessons though things began to get a little deeper for me. I was able to recognize some behaviors in myself that were egotistic that before I thought were things I did from pain and trauma. While I am still not 100 percent at peace within myself I am a lot closer to the purpose of creation than I was when I started this process and for that I am thankful and I would wish this also onto my fellow students.
So after being a fairly religious person for the last 11 years or so. I am struggling and maybe so in my reason and my brain based on what I know and what I was taught , with the concept of prayer . After last weeks lesson we learned that praying is not done with words ? and religion teaches us that praying is to pray to The Creator to change some sort of outcome or feeling or suffering. So I guess now I am confused on how to pray to The Creator. Can I say words with my emotions ? do I just think about it with my emotions ? I am sure I can still say words ? maybe to help me to organize my thoughts and feelings? maybe the words are for me and not Him?
