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The goal of study for me is to find my purpose , to understand The Creator to become more like him . To perceive my suffering and pain in a different way than I have previously.
I have freedom to choose my intention. We acquire it with a change of attitude and by praying or demanding of help from The Creator.
This was something I experienced leading up to the weeks of finding Kabbalah . I had lived all my life in this state of fear . Waiting for every shoe to drop so to speak always fearing the worst of every relationship and of every situation. Â I became traumatized by life. Slowly . I began to wake up to the fact of the true reality that there is none beside him. Meaning nothing happens without His doing . He is the reason and force behind all things that have happened to me but I have been perceiving things through a lens of trauma and pain. Once I woke up to this . I saw nature all around me. I had been living in a way where I forgot it was even there. I disregarded it most days moving through the busy hustle and bustle of life and one day. I stopped and listened to the birds and wondered ; “what are they saying to us? what are they saying to their Creator?” Â I moved into acceptance and then all the “what ifs” melted from the shame of my soul. Â If it should have…. it would have . There is nothing I could do to change it , in the past anyways . It was this amazing acceptance that brought a small slice of freedom. A small shell of fear left me . I had a renewed confidence in something outside of myself and maybe for the first time in my life.
