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It’s easy to trace some of my ingrained egoistic tendencies back to my childhood or ways I found to get what I wanted as I grew up. Of course these habits are ultimately destructive in all my relationships but especially in my marriage. I can see a couple that definitely need to be transformed into expressions of love as opposed to expressions of my childish selfishness! They are so destructive to our relationship … but also so difficult to give up, since they are so well-entrenched and the brain patterns they evoke are so well-traveled, on autopilot and subconscious. But there is definitely hope through the wisdom of Kabbalah!
This all makes great sense! When you think about it, the way we “naturally” approach living with a partner is really quite absurd! Two self-centered people decide to try to live together thinking that their desire to be in a committed relationship and doing what they saw their parents do will be enough to live happily ever after. They then proceed to try to get the other person to change to give them what they want, recognise their brilliance and want to follow suit! The parental example of course includes lots of bad practices and advice, picked up from their parents and society. It turns out to be the blind leading the blind! The simple truths presented here explain why this is doomed before we even start living with another, why now half of marriages end in divorce, why young people (sensibly) don’t want to get married, etc. I can completely attest to the impossibility of changing another person and the near-impossibility of changing myself. That I need something above the “natural me” to do so. And that the family is the smallest pod where I get enough direct/immediate feedback to test different behaviors and hone in on what actually works, and then begin applying that to other relationships once these new relationship behaviors have become habitual. Sounds easy, but takes true commitment and persistence. But so does mastering anything in life!
Pleasure neutralises our desires for pleasure in the corporeal world. We have to “cross” into the spiritual worlds to dress our desires with a new intention … bestowal. This brings a different satisfaction … and ultimately we’ll experience instant & permanent pleasure from the revelation of our Creator’s qualities and sharing His perception of reality.
If I’m existing only in a corporeal reality my intentions will always be to receive more pleasure than the energy expended to gain that pleasure. As an infant & child my intention to seek pleasure for myself even at the expense of others is pretty obvious but accepted by society. As I age I’m expected to “learn how to play the game” according to social conventions, to dress my egoism in apparent altruism. This looks far more acceptable, but it’s still all about me getting my desires/needs met by others. And unfortunately, even if I’m a pro at this game, I’ll still be feeling empty and unfulfilled since I’m created to be satisfied only when I’m in true bestowal mode. When IÂ cross into the spiritual worlds I can start to acquire higher levels of intention to bestow as I correct my ego level by level. The goal of creation is that eventually I’m receiving only to bestow pleasure on my Creator. Then I will be trulyhappy, filled with unbounded pleasure … it is permanent and at a level that dwarfs anything I experience in the corporeal.But it seems that we must also go through a maturation process in the spiritual; transforming from bestowal babies to bestowal adults! The net is that my intentions will create/reveal an entirely different reality for me.
Receiving from the Creator and passing what I receive on to others with no thought of benefit/reward for myself in return. This is actually impossible for me to achieve on my own, since I’m made of desire to receive in all I do, and I can’t change my desires or thoughts on my own. Hence the necessity for the right environment to help me begin to transform my receiving from an egoistic intention to an altruistic intention.
