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Is being humble means thinking that I’m ugly, unimportant etc?

If outside is only light

How can it block

Me to get past

A wall, isn’t light

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can you have a group with girls?

Was The  Ball HaSulam rejected by certain jewish communities? If so, Why? 

I am finding a conflict between my religious beliefs  the beliefs of Kabbala. It has now got to the point where I have to decide which belief I should commit to and follow. It’s not an easy decision because I have grown to love and have concern for you all. Unfortunately, three of our zoom meetings are on a Sunday and this makes it difficult for me to attend my worship meetings. What I decide it’s going to be a difficult decision, but I feel the need to make a decision soon in order that what whatever, I decide things can settle down. I would value your support, prayers and advice.

Hi,

I am currently speechless. Since I was a child I used to spend hours and hours “seeing” inside of me how this world was not a real world but just a movie (that was my childhood reference back in the ’70s) and that we all referenced to this movie in different ways. That even things a colors (eg. red) was actually perceived differently by every one and only our naming things made us collectively believe they were the same for the whole collective. I also remember trying to have conversations with my parents asking them why no one understood earth was not really a little rock in the universe but rather an “eye” of the Universe (now I’d have better words for it) through which the Universe itself was “looking down” on itself like we might look down at ants, meaning we can see the whole colony at once as one big organism.

I also tried to explain to them God was not a man up there in the sky (raised catholic) but rather it was the Whole of everything but they thought I was just going trough a “phase” and tried to shut me up.

Then I saw lots of pain very early on in my life and never found anyone capable of explaining to me why humans would persist in hurting each others instead of supporting and helping as we were, ultimately, one big organism.

Needless to say I was alone in my visions and words and no one, literally up until now that I found KabU, has ever, ever supported my feelings.

At the peak of my despair, some 12 years ago, I cried with all my heart out to the Universe fro help and understanding and I was literally take by the light. I did not bring the full memory of the experience back with me, but what I remember is the knowledge I had been shown the reason behind everything and that is was so simple, and so… easier? than we make it to be, and also, the first thing I remember when becoming present to my body again was my laughing. As if I had just heard the funnies joke of my life. And the light. For about a week after that my vision was completely different. I SAW God as the Essence of everything, in between the spaced of the atoms as if there was no separation at all and all outlines, border, differences only came out of me naming things that way and therefore giving them a form outside of me. I tried talking about my experience with people I thought were spiritual but had little luck as they were most interested in “secret messages” I might have received more than the unity I felt with every being and thing.

Despite slowly loosing that vision and feeling and not finding others to really share my knowledge of how we’re really all connected as one behind our perception of being separate, I have never been able to un-know. Even as I tried to “give up” everything spiritual given the extreme loneliness I felt for so many years after that experience, I could not un-know. Ever. And I tried. I tried tell myself I had hallucinated out of desire or will, but I could never forget how connected we are and the sheer, complete essence of LOVE that is ALL. I would be the one looking at the most hated being and dare say out loud: “he’s probably just in a lot of fear an loneliness and had no way to know he can be anything different” reversing on my nasty comments.

Now I found KabU and have to work on my ego, and feel blessed I went through 12 years of darkness to get to a community that was right an arm length away from me this whole time, yet hidden so good! I see this was for a good reason yet instinctively I tend to say and think a little more pissed. But hey, working on it!

Anyhow, what I can’t believe, still, despite watching video after video after video more than I eat and drink, is how REAL this all feels. For the first time in my life I feel I’m in the right place.

Please, beside reading all the suggested books and watching all the video I can stay awake to watch and learn, what is the best way for me to attain more? I feel I waited my whole existence for this. I am not Jewish and no no words of Hebrew and this is frustrating as I feel I’m missing out on deeper understanding of writings. I want to understand more! Please how do I go about it? Thanks for your work and support.