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I was just born with a sense of wholeness, connected to all, love for all (so not my conscious merit at all), I saw everyone as good, I never felt any lack. All my life I felt everyone’s sorrows, their happiness as my own and I only felt alive when I can do something for someone, or see people happy. I never felt like I have needs on my own that I need to take care of, it was like if I have any, they will be taken care by some higher force, and they were. When I saw suffering, I felt like I was responsible for that, and I must do something. But in all these, especially when I went over the Moon to help someone, I got hurt more and more violently. Moreover, even when I wanted to “retaliate” (in a spur of the moment), I clearly felt like some force had stopped me, disabled me to do anything that would harm another being.
And then, 7 years ago, all that changed. First I discovered Kabbalah, then there was pick in my interactions, and then everything fell apart and completely changed. Now, I don’t like people, I don’t want to talk to them, connect or anything I used to love before. I don’t feel the urge to help, don’t feel their needs, I don’t even care about their needs. I have 2-3 close people, and that’s more than enough.
So, it feels like some kind of digression in the light of all I hear here. Like my path is going backwards…
And, now this idea that I must re-connect to all terrifies me, to be honest. I really don’t want to now, so is there any way I can do this on my own? I feel like I must study Kabbalah, not like I have a choice here, so please help me.
Thanks for understanding!
This way the Creator shows a person that one is not truly in a form of wholeness and connection according to the definition that the Creator has of wholeness and connection. I’m placed in this work specifically due to the fact that I’m someone who needs correction and is not already in spiritual wholeness, bestowal, love. So that I would not be satisfied with some incorrect or small form of wholeness the Creator disrupts my sensation of wholeness so that I would see that my true state is one of shattering. Then I’m ready for true connection, the connection that is not natural – Kabbalists aren’t interested in that – but connection that is above nature, that is imparted only by the Upper Force, and only when we work towards it in a correct way, in a Kabbalistic group
“History is Written by Victors.” The quote gets attributed to Winston Churchill, but its origins are unknown. It implies that history is not grounded in facts, rather it’s the winners’ interpretation of them that prevails. The victors can force their narrative down on the people.
So, where does the date 1995 come from? As the eternal skeptic, I worry that this is a too convenient date, as in we are looking at this too subjectively. When you look at generational groups, they don’t divide millennials and gen x population groups with a hard stop year, but with a range of years. It feels more right that this maturation of the ego, which in itself feels very accurate in itself, is more of a range than a specific year. And by stating a specific year it is more self fulfilling than helpful.
So question is, what specifically and why objectively is 1995 the end of maturation of the ego?
1995 doesn’t refer to a date on our calendar, but there is a layer of reality that Kabbalists feel where the order of actions that will unfold in our world is predefined. There is a possibility to speed up time if people begin learning how that’s done through the wisdom of Kabbalah. If not, then a Kabbalist can predict with absolute certainty when everything in our world will happen. There have been certain special people who were not Kabbalists and also had such abilities; in fact, long ago, we all did. The point is, the information exists at a deeper layer of reality, even though most of us don’t perceive it. It manifests according to the order of roots in the Upper World. And they are fixed, rigid, and precise. Baal HaSulam felt that layer, and that in what we call 1995 Kabbalah would start spreading. And that’s what happened.
I get more excited by what I’m learning with each new video, reading, etc. It quenches a thirst I didn’t know I had. But, I sure don’t understand everything that I’m learning. After four viewings I’m just starting to grasp Julian’s teaching about the Partzuf building block. But, the exposure still brings the Reforming Light into my Kli, right? And, that’s the most important thing at this stage as a student?
Yes, a person needs to go through billions of inner changes that a person isn’t aware of, let alone being able to make the changes independently. The Light has to do it, and so the exposure to the authentic Kabbalah materials as much as possible, is essential.
So we work with the Kli by connection with Friends? And reveal the Creator this way through our connected corrected desire?
It blows my mind that the creature is responsible for building the worlds and environments in order to conceal the Creator and descend into so that it (we) can evolve to attain equivalence of form with the Creator by an act of it’s (our) will. It’s amazing to think that I am experiencing exactly what I planned in an earlier stage of development. Am I understanding this correctly?
There’s something to what you’re saying, Scott. But it wasn’t the me I associate with now. That’s electrical signals generated by a protein body, and when it dies so do all its memories and feelings just like when a donkey dies. All that remains is a Reshimo, a kind of embryonic point that then gets affiliated with another protein body and develops further. This point, when it connects to all the other points in reality is the Malchut of Eyn Sof. You can say that that Malchut “decided”.
Is there advice you can give me please on connecting with the Friends? Even in these early stages of study, I desire very much to connect with Creator through Love of Friends ❤️
Thank you so much for all you are and all you do!
Hi Rae,
I like the eagerness. Well, we’ll have more focused exercises later in the Young Group, but it’s enough even without faces to tune into the other desires here who want the same thing you do, and now, to want it for them, that they will reach adhesion with the Creator, because that’s what He wants. You want to love Him? Then give him what He wants. Think about it from morning until night alongside whatever you’re doing.
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