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I have been reminded again and again through this course that my ticket out of my selfish & egoistic nature is through Kabbalah.
I just hope I can attain it over time…
I feel overwhelmed by desire to reach the upper force to an extent it becomes completely overwhelming and makes me fully frozen and paralyzed due to me not being able to direct the light to that desire.
i truly hope and pray for closeness to the upper light by connection to my fellow seekers on Kab-U
What most inspires me is coming to an understanding of the force behind all of creation. It’s a relief to know that it’s not up to imperfect mankind, the collective ego to make all things right in the world. It explains all the failure I see around me. It inspires me to reach higher, or rather think and feel higher to make the connections necessary to bring a true healing to our world.
Which brings me to the next question…what have I learned about myself. I think the biggest revelation is to understand why I suffered so much. I was horribly spiritually abused in a cult. And, life hasn’t been kind to me. So, I’ve been timid about this learning experience… at first being afraid that I was getting myself served up some more tasteless kookaide. (lol, I misspelled that by accident, but looking at it, yeah, it really does fit). Please don’t take offense. You don’t know the depth of what I’ve gone through. It took me 10 years plus, to start looking outside myself again to trust anyone, any human with my spirituality. I kept praying. I prayed for years. I’m slow at learning out of necessity to take things in as I can assimilate them realistically for myself. I can say my ego was working overtime to heal myself, looking inward to understand how I got so hooked in, but looking up and outside myself with my prayers for answers I still needed to heal my soul.
It’s such a relief to know that their are other souls, or ‘other points in the heart’ that feel the same way I do. It’s a relief now to know that I’m not alone. I’ve been curled up so tight inside my own heart and mind for so many years. I’ve cried, prayed in pain and deep loneliness to find the right way to reach “HIM” the Creator, the Light. Now, I’ve come to a point where I can really start to let go of the pain from a logical, not just emotional point of view. There’s a reason behind everything that happens. It’s not always pleasant, but if we learn from our experience, true healing and the release of emotional pain can happen.
I haven’t fully grasped everything I’ve learned so far, but I’ve learned enough that’s inspired me to keep learning.
What do I want for my fellow students in their spiritual development? One word comes to mind, patience. Be patient with yourself, and be patient with all those around you. Understand that none of us is perfect but we can all come together with mutual love and connection as long as we keep trying, and keep learning. AND! (Before I forget…) WELCOME CONFLICT!–whenever it comes in because working out our conflicts, our differences is the way we grow above our own egos, and truly grow spiritually together.
It brought me a lot of clarity but at the same time it also raised a million questions. The problem is that when I try to formulate these questions in words, however I am doing it, when I read the question it does not reflect the exact feeling of my question and I just can’t put it in words (not related to the language 🙂 . Sometimes, a question pops-up and immediate I have an answer – it is like I am replying to myself – and I feel that it is so obvious, how is it that I did not think of it before….. Anyway, I am proceeding with my studies, and will see about the questions… I am sure that some of them will be answered as I proceed.
I wish to all my fellow students clarity and perseverance – even if sometimes you feel confused or do not understand everything, just go on and don’t give up.
I have learned to be more aware of my Ego and recognize how it works in the situation. It isn’t something that will go away because I know about it, I will have to continue to learn and get through the layers by continuing to learn and continuing to be observant.
Since I have done this course once before, there must have been something that caused me to stop. I think the reason for that was that I just wasn’t sure if I deserved to be among truly good people like my fellow students and our instructors…..Or maybe I wasn’t sure if anybody would be able to see and accept me for who I am: Somebody who just wants to be a good person who helps make the world a better place to be.
This past week something happened that changed this fear and made it almost go away. I realized that I had no reason to doubt myself, for I was right all along. It doesn’t mean I had no reason to do some self-searching, I needed to do that, and I can say beyond doubt that I have KabU, and Kabbalah to thank for having found peace within myself – that is, I have the Creator to thank for it, but He did it all through all of you guys, KabU and my fellow students. I cannot thank you enough, for even if you don’t know it, you have been there for me throughout this difficult journey.
I can’t wait to get to know some of you beautiful people in person. 🙂
One of the most important things I have learned is the fact that I didn’t know how to include the Creator during my search over the years. I knew He was there, I can “feel Him” at any time if I choose to, even now as I write this. I just never felt I had any “right” to ask anything of Him, so I didn’t. I just trusted He would continue to lead me, as He has done all along. Of course, I can wonder why He let me wait until now, since after all I knew I wanted to study Kabbalah since the late 1990s. But the reason may be that I didn’t know how to include Him on a personal level. – I really think that is where I went wrong, and that is the reason why it dragged out for so long before I found KabU.
What I wish for my fellow students: I wish for you that you will grow farther than I will because the world needs you. And I have a little wish for myself hidden in my wish for you, and it is that you will help me get a little further than I was when you are ahead of me. Does that make sense?…
Give just a little bit to my AHP (Ahap)? I promise that I will do all that I can to give to your GE (Galgota Enayim).
I wish for everybody here that you will achieve Equivalence of Form with the Creator. And I wish that because it is my greatest wish for myself, so how can I not wish this exact same thing for you?
I have been inspired all along through these past five weeks. And Julian, you have a way of being so very, very inspiring even when I already know what you are talking about (because I have done this course before).
…….
I’d like to say one final thing… Until this, the very last week of the last 5-week course, I haven’t known what to do with myself in life because I am disabled, past 65 yrs of age, and I have no formal education nor a job. This has made it difficult for me to see how I could be useful to others, to the world around me, and even though I always have had this deep longing for spiritual transcendence, understanding, and growth, it just isn’t enough to sit with all of it alone in a small apartment somewhere in a tiny country in Northern Europe. And I wasn’t really aware of how much it derailed me until just this week, when I realized where I’m headed and that I will be of use to others and to the world. I hope it’s okay if don’t go more into it than this, it is just very, very important to have purpose beyond learning stuff that you can’t share.
I will be able to share what I am learning here!… Maybe not this week, and maybe not the next, but the time will come.
I am so very, very grateful to all of you, instructors, fellow students, Dr. Michael Laitman, and, not least, the Creator! Bless you all!… and Thank you!
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