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My ego runs the show and is seriously limited, akin to running Windows 2000 on a computer from 2024 – nothing is optimized or even runs. I’m really looking forward to updating my software to the quantum computer level and honestly I haven’t a clue what that would feel like, but I’m looking forward to finding out!
Expanding my understanding and experience of prayer. To enter prayer with praise and thanksgiving towards the creator, whether I feel it or not – especially if I don’t feel it – and trust that he is the good that does good. I’m not sure if it was in this lesson or in lessons from Rav Laitman or in the readings, but I was deeply impressed this week that growth comes by staying in a heart space of gratitude for everything – I worked with the fact that in and of myself I am completely unable to have the experience of drawing close to the creator in ALL things. Gratitude for the heartbreaking difficulties of life can only be accomplished with the help of the Creator, the teachers, the writings and the friends.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Â
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.   Proverbs 3:5-6In joining the others in our shared desire for the Creator, we all advance as one. I think of this like a sports team working towards the common goal of becoming one strong unit where each one has an important role to assist the other team members in order to succeed. In the spiritual work we can only learn how to bestow when joining with others and placing their needs above our own…how to truly love above self interest. Honestly, I’m not sure what this would look like as a way of living. I can imagine moments of this altruistic behavior in myself, but I have a long way to go to get there. I am grateful for this path of the Kabbalah and the friends who will help find the way home with me.
Lately I find myself observing how persistent my ego is in my daily life. The further I go into the readings, lessons and listening to videos of Rav Laitman and the other teachers, the more I feel the need for connection in the group in order to evolve. I am painfully aware of my limitations in even having feelings of wanting to recieve in order to bestow…feeling quite empty and ready to expand in the Creator’s plan.
