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There isn’t a Retreat or convention that is like another, so that I can say that since I’ve been to one, I don’t need to go to another. Just as I’d never know what I was missing had I not had my 3rd child, so one can’t imagine what the difference will be in the next retreat. That difference, and the magnitude, will depend on one’s preparation and one’s expectations. “There is no Light without a Kli” and so the Light will be there, but it depends whether I come with a thimble or a bucket to receive it.
To prepare? I would work on ensuring that OTHERS are prepared with a big yearning and excitement for it. Other than being sure to book your flight and get your ticket, this is the best way to assure your own success.
The Equivalence of Form is the frequency on which each one connects with the Creator, by being like the Creator. Each one can do this upon whatever they are, their own desire, by rising above it, and going toward connection with others. Everyone has the same chance in this, to reach the Creator.
In Hebrew, spirit is ruach, soul is either Nefesh or Neshama. But that’s for common usage. In Kabbalah these also serve as special appellations for the degrees of the soul: Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Haya, Yechida.
1. The state is always a new form of disconnection, isolation, independence – in short, a shattering; and the next state is always a nullification of everything that belongs to the Shattering, in short, to come to There Is None Else Besides Him, all is from one, good Source, and so I too need to become one, and good – so connected and bestowing. I can do that by connected into one with my friends, and then One receives One. That is, we feel Him through being like Him. You’re right that each time it takes time to convince myself that I have nothing besides this to do – almost like trying to convince completely different people of it.
2. There’s nothing to do – I’m still convinced that at least a little good exists in me. There’s no way to talk me out of this. It has to be proved to me, on the flesh, by me trying to really love and care for my friends and open their hearts. I peel back one layer after another until I reach the bottom, that at no depth is there a shred of good in me. This stands before every person, and the difference between people is only in the depth of their understanding that there is no good in them. Because our nature is the complete opposite of good, bestowal – so that it could be inverted to bestowal, and not that it’s bestowing to begin with. I would like for things to be different, that everyone, including the Creator, would love me for what I already am, so that I wouldn’t need to change. Instead, there’s nothing about me that is worth loving, as-is. I require a complete inversion to the opposite of what I am. When I reach that realization, I’m at the gate of tears, where I really ask for this inversion. You see, prior to this, I can’t really ask because I believe that deep down there is already goodness and so I don’t really need to ask.
3. That’s all from Baal HaSulam’s Peace in the World.
4. How lucky you are that you have no interest and even a repulsion when it comes to connecting to others. It means you can only do so because you’re told you must do it to reach the Creator. You can turn to the Creator from that strife having to connect to the friends causes you, and ask Him to let you connect His Kli for His sake. If I’m certainly not doing it for me sake, I’m already halfway there. All I need to do now is turn to Him out of this state.
