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Freedom is my perceived ability to choose what is most important and where to focus my efforts. It is what I am choosing to pursue at all costs. I cannot achieve what I truly desire without the help of the reforming light because I do not really have freedom because I am made a certain way and internally I am in a confused state. I don’t fully understand how to resolve the paradoxical contradictions stemming from my thoughts and perceptions. And yet all I have is my perspective and my ability for gratitude and my ability to want one thing over another.
In my limited experience, before studying the wisdom of Kabbalah, I had felt that at each cross roads I had to make a decision. I didn’t have all the information as to which would be most beneficial for everyone, especially my family and I would place trust in the Creator that whatever outcome was for the best. On the level of reason I knew the Creator created everything and I would struggle to understand the source of suffering. For me the part that is new, and helped me understand is feeling the source of suffering is also the Creator. I realize that ascribing something to anything but the Creator is a mistake. I realize my own selfishness in desiring only good things from the Creator because the truth is that I came to this wisdom through the deep suffering to the point that even the best things about life made me feel empty. It is in that emptiness that led me here and then I realized that everything, inside me and what I perceive outside me, good or bad, it is all a reminder to change my intention, almost like a call to join back with the Creator because this is not the state we were meant to be in forever. That is what I feel when I hear there is None Else Besides Him. At the level of feeling, these words helped me remove my fears but it also has increased my thirst for rejoining with the Creator and I feel the empty space between us and I am trying to use all I see and feel as constant reminders to know that I may not sense being with the Creator but that force is all around.
By staying vigilant and aware of my intentions and seizing every opportunity to intend to be like the creator. By reflecting on the intention of the creator. The more I stay in this frame of mind, the more I dwell in that environment I see nothing but that will of bestowal of all that is good. I focus only on what is real.
The best experience from last semester is the connection with others and with creative forces guiding us on a path of growth and I expect this semester to continue to amplify connection and growth.
What most inspired me was a reconnection with the two forces – the gratitude of finding the beginning on the path back home. I learned that I misperceived a lack of faith and that in reality I had forgotten the beautiful nature of it all and that it is always there calling out to return. I remembered to forget about myself, my suffering and to see what I can do for others. I wish for all my fellow students to keep climbing the ladder, keep following their path and never again perceive any form of separation or suffering.
