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I was inspired by the challenge to connect. It’s my biggest desire and yet my biggest challenge in life. I wonder what desires my fellow friends will have and how to annul myself to them. I see the challenge and pray the Creator to help me See and Work for my ten and my friends above myself as I realize working for myself will bring me nothing, as it has brought me nothing in the past. That’s why I am here.
I learned how big my ego is and how “smart” it is at coating my intentions, desires and pretty much everything in a sauce that sounds and feels so… holy, but is yet another way to fulfill my desire to receive.
I learned prayer, because I asked for it, I asked to be changed and was eventually overrun by pain and put in a place to decide: faith above reason, thanks to the Good that does Good, or lost within reason and ego? The hardest thing was to give thanks in the midst of that sheer pain, but LOVE was there, holding my hands and I HAD to stop fighting and open my eyes to what I was blessed enough to See in front of me.
Thank you all!
To believe above reason that if I think only of others I will be cared for as others are me as I am them.
It’s easy for us to talk and share openly, the rough part is to remember when we’re stressed and under pressure. But I want to try and expand these exercises (at least in my mind) to other people too I might know enough to make a list of what they need most and do my best to implement it with them too, even if I can’t really sit down and talk to them (like family members or co-workers…)
I pray to be ready enough to do my part to become one with my 10 ad see all of “them” as the Creator
Why is it that the more I study the more I feel unworthy? I literally hate most of my parts and even feel scared anyone can look at me and see me for my true, horrid self. I thought I was an ok human, I know now we’re made of ego but “knowing” and “feeling” are quite a different experience. It hurts, even if I know I was created this way and can’t change it. And I feel so confused about how to perceive anything. It’s all my projection, I studied as a cognitive Neuroscientist and I understand everything that’s said, yet I don’t feel it. It makes sense, but almost as if it all made sense “out there”, somewhere that’s not IN me… so crazy confusing. I can’t wait for the group, and I’m terrified of the group. I suppose that’s normal too….?
