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I can live my life to the fullest through learning Kabbalah. Knowing that all comes from the creator I can be grateful for whatever is happening because right now is a period of growth even if I don’t like what is happening right now. I can ask the Creator any questions and wait in the stillness for the answer instead of trying to come up with the answers myself. That works better for me in this incarnation.
I know that my external life is run by other forces such as politics, nationality, heritage and cultural affects etc. My body is also external and as it ages it is doing things I would rather not. I have free will as to how I see this and which emotional state I respond with. I can also choose what I read or study to help make my emotional state, my inner state, a more peaceful state. I can choose to see my ego in action and work on that, or I can choose self pity. It’s my choice.
I mostly feel that way now. I do not see life the same as others quite often. I know that we all agree that is a car, that is a dog, or that is that movie etc. But when I see a person perform an activity I can see their intention isn’t always as bad as the action they perform. I can see how so many people are hurt then they hurt others. I can let that go and forgive and many others want to hang them, execute them etc. Forgiveness in the heart is something I can get to usually but not at first necessarily. In my job I can foresee problems coming because someone let an ego solution rule the day not realizing the result is hurtful or chaotic. My perceptions have changed over the years due to spiritual studies and I no longer only see others as their body. I am working on this but it never leaves my mind for long.
I think my prayer will be answered if it is almost silent love. I know that I can only ask at the level I am at. I cannot fake it and pretend I care hoping it sounds correct and might get me brownie points. I have to feel love in my heart and send that feeling out to the world silently, and that feels like it needs to be almost like a prayer without any words. The words spoil it. It is a prayer of feeling love for real. Then it goes out vibrating, kind of like on a spider web vibrating in a quantum field kind of out to where it is felt by whomever can receive it. It has to be authentic.
I discovered I am not alone. Ever. I don’t know what that is, but something is there with me like a vibration of love, or care, and I want to learn enough to share that so others don’t need to suffer as much.
