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I just finished watching Fundamentals of Kabbalah with Dr. Laitman. A lot of questions were asked from the people in different parts of the world about what they needed to do to reach the Creator. They wanted Dr. Laitman to tell them specific instructions on what to pray for, how to act, the Hiddeness of the Creator,etc. Dr. Laitman tried to explain the there had to be an intention in the point of the heart to begin the journey. Some wanted to insist on how to stop suffering. I realized that many were confused. I thought I understood quite a bit when I began these courses since I had read about Kabbalah before. As I began watching the videos, reading the material, and listening to the lectures, I thought I was understanding. However, with every week that I would learn something different, I would get confused. What blew my mind was watching the video of question and answers with Dr. Laitman. Listening to all the questions the audience was asking and listening to Dr. Laitman’s responses, I understood why I could not “see” the Creator, understand that my suffering, my happiness, everything that has happened in my life is from the Creator. I need to change my perception, which I am doing, and understand that the more I close in on the intention to change through kindness and Torah, I will be able to begin the upward 125 steps. I also understood the true meaning of how to pray, pray for others and the world.
I believe that I have gained a deeper understanding of the Hiddeness of the Creator. I can say all of my prayers morning and night. However, does that truly demonstrate that I have an unshakable faith in the Creator? After my prayers, I know that I can ask the Creator for what I need in my times of great need. I know I cannot fool Him because He knows me. I can feel fear, but never doubt that the Creator will hear my sincere call for help because He is the only one acting Force and there is none other than Him. I know fear by experience many times in life and death situations. And in that grip of fear, I have not doubted the Creator. I have been in life and death situations either because of a fierce earthquakes and evil people who have made an attempt in my life. I have asked The Creator for help. At the age of 21, I was a flight attendant for AeroMexico. We had to sign in for flight at exactly 6am. If we did not, we would be grounded for 24 hours, not good. I lived far from the Airport and a taxi would pick me up. All flight attendants had to, when assigned, be at the airport also at exactly 6am as back ups. This one time, the taxi was late. I arrived at the airport at 6:15am. I had a good reputation and my supervisor did not want me to have a bad check on my record. My assigned flight was to Cancun with a two day layover. My supervisor changed my flight and sent me to Mazaltan, also a two day layover. Mazatlan and Cancun were more or less the same distance from Mexico City. My supervisor sent the back up flight attendant in my place. On our way back, when we entered through the back where all pilots and flight attendants entered, there were a multitude of pilots and supervisors telling us, the crew, to call our families immediately to let them know we were ok. I was living with an uncle to let him know I was ok. He was surprised. It was not yet in the news. Then I saw a group of pilots with whom I had flown before and I went up to them and asked to know what was going on. The shock that I found out that the flight that was for me, the plane had gone down, no survivors and the flight attendant who went in my place, had only been there one month. I cried so much asking myself “why.” I called my Papa the next day and told him what had happened. I asked my Papa “why.” It was supposed to be me. His response was that in the greater Force, it was not my time. To answer the question regarding the understanding of the forces working in the world, I am now learning the “why” that is the Spiritual World. I am now learning that there are forces working in the world. And I am learning that as a human being, creature, living in the lower world, I can achieve, by following the teachings of Kabbalah, how to enter the Spiritual World.
Seth, I watched There Is None Else Besides Him Part 1 again carefully. In my own words this is what I would say to myself after asking G-d for forgiveness in terms of stating that I made my own bad decisions: “How arrogant of me to think/believe that I had the authority to make my own faulty decisions;” that was a sin. There are so many things that I am discovering, learning, and experiencing.
I want to give you an example of my understanding of receiving and bestowal. My Papa was my sage, full of wisdom and faith and I loved him immensely. My Mama was the example of courage and faith and I followed her example. My children and I had to flee my country because a leader of a mafia had already given the order to execute my children and me. We escaped and that is why I entered the USA. After my mother and little brother died, my Papa did not want to return to Mexico City. I suffered from many PTSDs after the car accident, mostly being in the dark since the car accident happened at 8:30 pm. I could not sleep with the lights turned off and was still afraid. I would ask G-d to touch my head and give me intelligence, wisdom, and serenity. Then I would stretch out my hand with my eyes closed and ask my Mama to put her hand on my heart and give me peace and to accompany me. As soon as I said that out loud, I was asleep.
I was able to support my children completely in Mexico City. My Papa would visit me sometimes and was proud that I had accomplished what I had. After having to come to live in San Antonio, TX, My Papa helped me find an apartment because nobody would allow me to rent because I did not have “credit.” The manager was a friend of my Papa’s and that is how I was able to stay for three months and then move out. When we moved to a better apartment complex, my Papa came to me and told me that he would take me to all the stores to help me buy everything I needed for the apartment. I reminded him that I had looked after myself and my children for 18 years. His reaction was sad and he left. The next day after he left, I realized that he just wanted to help (bestow), but I did not want his help (not want to receive). I felt so terribly bad. I called him and told him that I did need his help. He came immediately and took me to all the stores to furnish the apartment and kitchen tools. He was so happy and so was I. I would never imply that my Papa was like the Creator. I am explaining my understanding of me as the vessel, rejecting the gift and bestowal that my Papa wanted to give me and me as the receiver rejecting his bestowal. After that experience, my Papa and I were one like we used to be and I learned to be humble towards him and his wisdom and love for us was incredible and solid up until he passed away.
Therefore, does this real life experience explain The Creator’s want to give us, the creatures, His light and bestowal and us, as creatures reject what the Creator wants for us?
I just finished watching Part 2 video. I have commented earlier that I have made bad decisions that I had considered them to be from my own free will, consciously knowing that they were my bad decisions. I cannot think of a time in my life that I doubted the existence of G-d. I do remember when there were times in which I was on the edge of the cliff where the only way was going down. At those times, I followed my Papa’s advice, “put your life in G-d’s hands.” I did; whatever it was going to be, it was going to be G-d’s will. However, as I am learning Kabbalah, I have to ask a question. Stating that I made some bad decisions which caused me suffering and that I knowingly still made bad decisions for which I would ask G-d to forgive me. Were those bad decisions part of the Creator’s plan for me? Are they considered “sins?”
I have talked to G-d for a very long time in my life. I talk to Him about everything in my life. I have asked Him to grant me wisdom and intelligence in my mind. I would also ask Him to grant my heart peace and to accompany me. I would ask for a bracha, blessing, for anyone ill in my extended family and my children if they were ill. I have had pets since I was six years old, poodles, toy, miniature, standard because they are hypoallergenic. I am very allergic to a lot of things such as pets and in the air. I have a miniature poodle, two years old that was gifted to me one month after my YorkiePoo of 16 years old had to be put to sleep, 2023. Hence, I also thank G-d for my little pet, Athena, because she keeps me company. I am disabled and I receive a small social security check. I am not from this country, USA; hence, I did not have enough work credits to receive a larger social security check as do people who have worked their entire life. My son brought me to live with him and my two grandchildren, 8 and 5 years old from San Antonio, TX to Ashburn, VA. However, he is going through a very difficult time, soon to be divorced and he lost his job two months ago. He has been applying for 70-80 jobs online since then. I ask G-d to please help him find a job when I talk to G-d everyday. I was not taught to talk to G-d. I began doing that naturally. However, I remember that my Papa would always tell me that when I was going through uncertain times, to put my life in G-d’s hands. I have. And I recognize that I have made some very bad decisions in my life that have caused me to suffer. After listening to Part 1 of Tony’s video, I learned about the corporeal and the spiritual. And as Seth explained, making free will decisions does lead to a bumpy road, suffering. I also, when I talk to G-d after my prayer, I thank Him for my life (parents, siblings, children) and as I talk to Him about my life, I smile and tell Him that He knows me. It is correct that G-d cannot be fooled. What I did not expect to know about is Kabbalah; what it teaches one. Then all of a sudden my life is not over, even at 74 years old. I have so much to learn both corporeally and spiritually. Knowing what I knew, in terms of how my life has been, I can now learn and see my life through the wisdom of Kabbalah, which is a completely different way of knowing G-d. Thank you, Seth, for the great explanations and examples you have stated.
