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I want to see a glimpse of God being revealed. I feel more confused than ever. It seems as if everybody else got much more from the previous course, but I connected more with the previous ones. The previous course even felt more theoretical to me. I want a breakthrough, a glimpse. I need this. But i am holding onto the thread – i will not let go of my search for God/meaning. This life seems to lead to nothing, and that will be my experience until I reveal the Creator – only He can let me see what this life is all about. All my searches led me nowhere.
I am just VERY excited!! This week dragged out too long while I wad waiting for the course to begin. I am expecting great progress.
I was inspired by my point in the heart’s ‘recognition’ of the Wisdom of Kabbalah. I started to feel a peace – i have come home. I have started on the Path aligned to Nature’s design and nothing can take me away. This time and moment in my life had been predestined and predetermined by the Creator.
The thought of ‘there is no one else besides Him’ fills me with a feeling of spaciousness. And although I definitely cant grasp it with my mind- i get a growing feeling that ‘no one, also not me, did anything wrong’. And no one is really doing something to ‘me’.
A lot of things is beyond my mind’s grasp, but I will keep on keeping on. I know that i will grow in my understanding and that will be revealed at the determined time. I can sort of ‘relax’.
The true meaning of prayer…wow, that was such a new thought, contrary to all what I had been taught, but it makes completely sense and I now understand why religious prayers do not get answered.
I wish for me and my fellow students to choose to not try to understand everything intellectually, but that we will see this as an experiment. After all, how many things have we not tried before to understand the meaning of our lives (to no avail)?.
I want to return to my Source, the Creator. Only by aligning myself with His original thought about me, I will come home and can stop this restless seeking.
I can never be lost. And nothing can destroy me. Nothing is ‘against’ me, It is all the Creator. Everything that I see, perceive, think, encounter…all is contained within the Creator. All are permitted and allowed and being influenced by the Creator. This is too big or me to grasp, but I allow this truth in.
