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I am at week 8, and this is getting harder to follow. The Creator has our lives mapped out for us. The only free will we have (basically) are the people we choose to spent time with and the social media feeds we read. The Creator is immovable, no amount of prayer will change what is unchanging – we can only ask to change ourselves. But only if it is in service to others, and the greater good. Anything else is for the ego, for the self alone. At the same time all of our “desires” comes from the Creator and so therefore we can’t avoid them, even though we shouldn’t have them for the self alone? Prayer makes no difference to the Creator, (s)he neither wields bad or good things, yet at the same time he wields everything?
At this point, I am wondering what the point of my life is? Showing constraint on the books I read, living with an intention to serve as Mother Teresa, while knowing I get desires (that I shouldn’t have, but can have because they don’t come from me, they come from the Creator). Desiring food and shelter are acceptable – but no more unless it is for the benefit of others. Meanwhile, while having an intention to be the best person I can I see others, oblivious to the Creator ….living their best lives, being bestowed great good fortune, while contributing nothing. They laugh, have beautiful meals, get their teeth whitened and take holidays.
The version of the Creator that I had been learning and relying on (there is no one other than him) feels more like my friend than the one I am learning through this course. I don’t mean to be confrontational, but I am not getting a feeling of getting closer to him, I’m learning to become confused,
I am still struggling with giving and receiving. I fully understand the concept of Equivalence of Form and the requirements to me more like the Creator. Now I have read the reading on Reshimot. I have been someone who has given too much for too long, at my own expense. It has taken me a lot of time (and therapy) to learn how not to sacrifice myself by giving so much to people who are happy to take. Being one who has given more than she took has been part of my learning, growth and history. Now, as I am reading I am wondering if my Reshimot is a predetermined suffering, that wanting to receive for the self alone, to put myself first instead of taking care of others, their needs and feelings and talking responsibility for things I am not responsible for is the path I should return to? I came to Kabbalah becuase I have a problem receiving. I ask for nothing, take nothing and give to the point of it being problematic. According to this work – that should be ideal?
Hello Qeliayn from Sydney enjoying all the content on this platform and looking forward to exploring this course.
