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What most inspired me is most is learning that aligning my intentions with the Creator’s, or the painter of the picture, allows me to govern how He will paint my canvas.
the truth I have learned about myself is that it is very difficult to keep one’s intentions always altruistic enough to feel align with the Creator.
What I wish for my fellow students is that our soul grow fast enough and strong enough to pull the entire world to attainment, before the human race has to go all of the way to the bottom, before they look up.
I have spent years rising very early with a specific routine of feeding my cat, lighting, my stove, making coffee, and sitting down to read, psalms, Bible readings, prayers, and some specific cabala material, and then sitting down to journal for 30 to 45 minutes before anyone gets up, in an effort to find an encounter with the Father. Sometimes, I write pages of thoughtful prayers and requests and observations. Sometimes, I ask God if he’s even there or if he cares. Lately more and more, I’ve wondered if I’m boring God, since I haven’t been inspired to find any other psalms or prayers and the ones that I’ve been using for a long time. I even tried adding some guitar songs, to no avail. Is my sense of pointlessness a sign that I may actually be moving forward? I put this question to a parish priest, and he told me that mother Theresa once went for 10 years without hearing anything from the Lord.
I’m sure this sounds egoistic, but I assure you it is altruistic. I’ve begun a real estate company with my sons, and I fully believe the Lord, that is the creator, bestows wealth upon individuals, in order that they may use that wealth to improve the well-being and lives of others. I fully intend to fund organizations that will accomplish things. I’ve often dreamed of doing for decades, would’ve been unable to do because I am not a wealthy man. These are things like improving the agricultural techniques in poor nations, establishing micro banking, and improving marketing techniques for small business people and establishing co-ops. However, my question is this: when my wife prays, and she very often gets what she prays for, she establishes a timeline for it. Is it egoistic for me to set a timeline like a quarter or a year, or such for success in our business, before I am able to have enough money or funds, in order to help the others accomplished the things I would like to do?
I once was touched by peace so great I wanted to fall and worship. It wasn’t even in me, but in the ones who came to me. Just the memory of the peace has carried me through three and a half decades of sometimes great pain. Religion might bring me to an “aha” moment, but I don’t think it will bring me to that peace. I know that if I had it within me, I could take it to the hardest of hearts and break them open to receive. Kabbalah seems to offer a very methodical approach to find that peace, again.
Freedom is the right to choose the blue pill or the red pill. We can choose to step back into the matrix, but we will never be happy, no matter how much we pretend it is real. Once we know there is a truth, we are compelled to fulfill the search, no matter what the truth reveals. As one rabbi said, this is the truth that the parable of the mustard seed is about. It must start tiny to be planted in the spot of our heart, in our garden. Then when the Reforming Light fertilizes the garden with truth and fellowship, the tree grows .
