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I was surprised how much I missed the first time I took this class, and despite watching it several times I notice that each time I see something different.
It reminded me with the video by Gil Shir about missing the gorilla while counting how many times the white team passed the ball. This taught me to watch out for selective attention.
I wish for all the other students is what I wish for myself, which is to attain the teaching correctly.
Very good question! the only issue is, I absolutely have No Idea. When I was a child growing up in Damascus, I was told and taught by that society that Israel (the state) was my enemy that took the land by force. In the 2 wars of 1967 and 1973 I was a child huddled in the basement from the sounds of the jets, the bombing, and bullets seeking shelter from conflict around me that I had no idea how it started, but hope that it will end. Something inside was telling me that I should leave and I was lucky to manage it. Leaving everything behind was difficult and hard, first to Europe then a chance to reached America in 1978. When legally got here, I thought I had arrived at my destination, but it was not so. I encountered other difficulties related to my heritage and still do today.
I found Kabbalah in Oct 2019, I have not been able to stop learning it, but find it extremely difficult to belong to a group that I was taught as a child that it is the enemy that caused all my trouble. In fact, I find it very difficult to belong to any group and trust them as having the answer for me, because if I believed in the environment that I grew up in as a child, I would have grown up as someone who is dedicated to the destruction of a society that has the in it the seed of the first teaching that touched my heart (Benai Baruch).
I feel ashamed for hating the State of Israel before 2019 and blamed it for my shuttered life as I was taught and told by my environment; I feel guilty for abandoning the culture I grew up in despite the lies they told me; I feel that I have failed despite what America calls a great success of coming from nothing and managed a good life; I find it hard to trust any group and count heavily on my mind and reasoning which had steered me away from all the trouble that I was born to live in. But there is something in me that cannot stop reaching for the teaching, and a HOPE through prayers that I can overcome all these difficulties some day. All that brings me to the question: what is my Role? which can only be found by knowing the Purpose of my life, and the answer is: I have no idea.
Every time I approach the study and commit to, I get that PUSH that Toni talked about in week 4 (second concealment) which sends me thinking, is this the push from the Creator to bring me closer, or I just do not have the Point in the Heart that is required as a precondition to be part of this group? So I am left with doubts frozen between earth and heaven and hoping that my prayers will be answered and finally show me my Role and which fork in the road He wants me to take to reach the ultimate goal? After all, I am told that “..There is none else beside Him…”
I found the spiritual classification of Palaces, Robes, Noga, Angels, and Souls somehow intriguing. I often am mad at people for being insensitive, unkind, prejedeous, cruel, and nasty and walk by them as if they did not exist and try very hard to avoid those characters so I do not lose my temper with them and make things a bit ugly. However, I often attributed these characters to the corporal world of inanimate, vegetative, animate and barely human, now, I can see that there are 5 more classification above that I need to introduce to my understanding about friendlier people. I thought I had a lot of corrections to do before the lesson, now I see that my work on correction had just doubled.
To see it from His perspective if I could, it will answer the question: What is the purpose of our lives? What is His reasons for creation? Why the concealment? When will He show Himself to us, if ever? Not knowing, the curse of the doubt that descends on us about His existence, is it a punishment, a teaching tool, or both?
Sadly, I am unable and cannot see reality from his perspective as I am told that I have been created with a built in flaw (the evil inclination) and concealment that I have to reveal.  Those who have attained and revealed the concealment say that what they see is nothing but pure LOVE. Since I am unable to see and feel that yet, it means, I have lots of corrections and lots of praying ahead of me.
Loving one’s neighbor more than loving oneself, is a lot easier said than done. There, I said it, I hope I cheered everybody up! Now I need a scotch.
My goal in the study is to find the Purpose of life, mine and everyone else. Why are we here? Where do we go when we die? What is this life about? When I gaze at these galaxies and their age, the solar system and how it was formed, I find myself but a speck of dust in comparison. All the religions that I read about, all the philosophies that I pondered fell short of filling my desire to learn the purpose of life.
For those of us who are stuck at the fourth factor by showing great resistance to choose the environment that they sense it is the right soil but hit a wall (meaning joining the ten);Â Is this a problem with the seed (the individual not having Equivalence of Form) or the environment being too strict (requiring to join a ten on order to find the purpose of life)?
I find it a lot easier to join the whole Bina Baruch group, but feel choked to connect to just 10 people in it. What is the source of this tremendous resistance? Is the Creator asking me to let go as I do not fit? Or is He asking me to stay and develop this way? Honestly, I do not expect an answer to this part, I am just airing frustration with the Creator to answer my prayers to either fish or cut bait.
